Social Media Self-Worth – By Ruth Moise | Unapologetically Caged
Hey empresses, it’s your girl Ruth Moise with Phoenix, bringing you another rising gem. Thank you so much for tuning into another episode of Unapologetically Caged. I cannot express enough gratitude for choosing us as your source for inspirational and motivational support during your journey of self-discovery and growth.
The Social Media Trap: When Filtered Reality Crushes Real Self-Esteem
Today, I want to have a real, raw conversation with you about something that’s affecting millions of young people across the world: social media and its devastating impact on self-esteem, body image, and our sense of worth. I’m calling social media what it really is a self-esteem crusher, a validation trap, and a distorted mirror that shows us everything except the truth.
Social media at a young age will make you think that the world around you is a fairy tale. It creates an illusion so convincing that you’ll believe that person with the “perfect body” actually achieved it through nothing but dedication at the gym. It will make you think that influencer is really eating only salads or as I like to call it, grass because let’s be honest, that’s what salad really is. But here’s the truth they’re not telling you: what you see on social media is rarely the whole story.
Understanding Your Changing Body: A Truth They Won’t Tell You
As a 27-year-old mother of two who has been through body changes, growth, and transformation, I need to share something crucial with young ladies going through puberty and adolescence. When you’re a teenager going through body development, you might feel a little chunky, and that’s completely normal. Your body is changing. Your metabolism isn’t where it needs to be yet. You’re in a transition phase.
Think about it like this: when a baby is about seven to eight months old, they get chunky—face fat, arms full of rolls, the whole adorable package. Then when they reach two to three years old, they slim down because they’re more active, moving around, doing things. The same principle applies to your body during fifth and sixth grade and beyond. Your body is in transformation mode. You’re maturing, and your body is developing its own unique BMI (Body Mass Index).
So when you see that 25, 30, or 35-year-old with what appears to be the “perfect body,” let them have their moment. But understand this: you don’t know what they had to do to achieve that look. They might have just gotten off the plastic surgery table weeks ago and are now posting gym selfies to make it seem like it’s all natural. And guess what? They have to maintain that appearance because if they don’t, they’ve potentially wasted $20,000 or more on procedures that require strict maintenance.
The Validation Trap: Losing Yourself While Seeking Approval
Here’s something I need teenage girls and young ladies everywhere to understand: do not let social media define who you are. When you seek validation from people who don’t even know you—people who have never looked you in the eyes, held your hand during a difficult moment, or celebrated your real victories—you start to lose touch with yourself.
These people commenting “you look good” or “you look bad” are probably going through something themselves. Sometimes they genuinely want to give encouragement, but we need to ask ourselves: at what cost are we seeking this validation?
Are you degrading yourself as a young lady? Are you disgracing yourself and bringing shame to your family name by posting pictures in crop tops and short shorts, seeking likes and comments from strangers? I’m not saying this to judge—I’m saying this as a mother who sees the dangers lurking behind every post, every like, every follow request.
A Mother’s Warning: The Predators Hiding Behind Screens
Just today, I had to have a serious conversation with my daughter. She’s only six or seven years old, but I noticed she has a little shape developing. I had to tell her the truth, the reality that no parent wants to face: **there are sick, sick people out there in this world who prey on little girls her age.
I don’t understand what these predators see when they look at children—I still see a child, innocent and deserving of protection. But I have to be honest with my daughter. I told her, “Baby, you need to wear pants. I know you think it’s cute that you’re developing, but when you’re sitting on a chair with your knees up and your bottom in the air, when you’re shaking your hips, you might not think you’re sending an invitation, but to a person with a sick mind, that IS an invitation.”
Parents: We Need to Have Honest Conversations
This part is for the parents out there—the moms and the dads who are reading this. We need to tell our children these truths. I know it’s uncomfortable. I know it’s scary. But at the end of the day, when you stay silent thinking you’re “protecting” them, what are you really protecting?
Are you just scared that if you tell them the truth, you’re opening their minds to something dangerous? Or are you scared that they’ll fall into the same traps that you fell into, that your sister fell into, or that your mother fell into? We have to be honest about these things because there are people on social media actively preying on our children.
A grown man will sit there and tell a young girl who is underdeveloped, who has no self-esteem, who has no sense of her own worth, that she is beautiful, worthy, special. He’ll say “I will treat you like a queen” while grooming her for exploitation. That’s a grown adult manipulating and destroying a child’s innocence. We cannot stay silent about this reality.
Finding Your Worth Beyond the Screen
Ladies, if you’re reading this—whether you’re 13, 16, 19, or older—please, please, please learn your self-worth. If you don’t have a positive role model to show you how a woman is supposed to be treated, how a young lady deserves to be respected, there are resources available to you:
– Podcasts focused on women’s empowerment and self-worth
– Mentorship programs in your neighborhood or community
– School counselors who are trained to help you navigate difficult emotions
– Therapy and counseling services that can provide professional support
You can tell your parents, “I want to go to therapy.” You don’t have to explain the exact nature of why you need counseling. Just tell them, “I think this will be good for me because I am going through something, and I want to be a better person. Please help me get counseling.”
Find somebody you can resonate with somebody who doesn’t judge you, who doesn’t preach at you with statements like “what you’re doing is bad” or “the book says this.” Find somebody who has been through what you’ve been through. Maybe it’s a peer in your school going through the same struggles. Maybe it’s someone one or two grades above you who has already walked your path and can guide you with wisdom born from experience.
Surround yourself with positive people who will help you in genuinely positive ways, not people who enable destructive behaviors while calling it “support.”
Your Action Plan: The Positive Affirmation Challenge
Here’s my challenge and call to action for every empress reading this: Write down positive affirmations about yourself every single day. Write about what you believe about yourself, your worth, your potential, your beauty the real beauty that comes from within.
And here’s the important part: if you have negative thoughts about yourself (and we all do sometimes), write those down too. But here’s the twist challenge yourself by putting a positive thought right next to each negative one.
For example:
– Negative: “I hate my body” → Positive: “My body is changing and growing stronger every day”
– Negative: “Nobody really likes me” → Positive: “I am worthy of genuine friendships, and the right people will see my value”
– Negative: “I’m not pretty enough” → Positive: “My beauty is unique and cannot be measured by social media standards”
At the end of the week, look at your paper and see the contrast. Count how many negatives you wrote versus how many positives. This exercise will help you recognize your thought patterns and actively work to shift them toward self-love and acceptance.
The Reality Behind the Filters
Remember, social media is a highlight reel, not reality. Those influencers aren’t showing you:
– The photo editing apps and filters used on every single image
– The professional lighting and angles that make them look perfect
– The dozens of rejected photos before finding “the one”
– The cosmetic procedures, treatments, and interventions
– The mental health struggles behind the smile
– The validation addiction that keeps them posting constantly
You are more than your appearance. You are more than likes, follows, and comments. You are a whole, complete, valuable human being whose worth cannot be determined by strangers on the internet.
Breaking Free: Choose Your Influence Wisely
Be intentional about what you consume on social media. Follow accounts that:
– Promote body positivity and realistic expectations
– Share educational and empowering content
– Show diverse representations of beauty
– Encourage mental health awareness
– Inspire personal growth and development
Unfollow or mute accounts that:
– Make you feel inadequate or “less than”
– Promote unhealthy beauty standards
– Trigger negative self-talk or comparison
– Sexualize young women or promote exploitation
– Create anxiety, depression, or low self-worth
My Message as an Incarcerated Mother
Speaking to you from behind bars doesn’t make my message any less valid—if anything, it makes it more urgent. I’ve made mistakes in my life, choices that led me to where I am today. But becoming a mother changed everything. My children are my motivation to be better, to speak truth, and to help other young women avoid the traps I fell into.
Being incarcerated has given me time to reflect, to understand the importance of self-worth, to recognize how seeking validation in the wrong places can lead to destructive decisions. I don’t want any young woman to end up where I am. I want you to learn from my journey, to choose differently, to value yourself enough to make choices that honor your future.
Final Words: You Are Enough
Empress, hear me when I say this: You are enough exactly as you are right now. Your worth is not determined by:
– How many followers you have
– How many likes your photos get
– Whether you fit into society’s narrow definition of beauty
– Whether strangers on the internet approve of you
– How your body compares to edited, filtered images
Your worth is inherent. You were born valuable, and nothing can take that away—unless you give it away by seeking validation from sources that cannot truly see you.
Stand in your power. Know your worth. Protect your peace. And remember that the most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one you have with yourself.
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Love you, empresses. Have a blessed day.
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