Skeletons in the Closet – By Ruth “Phoenix Rising” Moise
Hey empresses, thank you for tuning in to another raw, unfiltered dose of truth from your girl Phoenix. If you’re here, you’re ready to face something real something we all carry but rarely talk about. Today, we’re diving deep into those skeletons in the closet the secrets, the shame, the pieces of our past we’d rather keep buried forever.
But here’s the thing: nothing stays hidden forever. And maybe, just maybe, that’s exactly how it should be.
What Are Skeletons in the Closet, Really?
Let’s get real for a second. When I talk about skeletons, I’m not talking about some Halloween decoration collecting dust. I’m talking about your deepest, darkest secrets the things you’ve done that you’re not proud of, the trauma you’ve survived, the mistakes you wish you could erase, and those fantasies or truths you swore you’d take to the grave.
We all have them. Every single one of us.
Maybe it’s that toxic relationship you stayed in way too long. Maybe it’s the abortion you had that nobody knows about. Maybe it’s the sexual abuse you survived as a child, the addiction you battled, the person you hurt, or the version of yourself you’re ashamed of. Whatever it is, it’s heavy. It’s real. And it’s been sitting in that closet, piling up, taking up space in your mind and your heart.
But here’s what I’ve learned through my own journey, sitting here at 27 years old, a mother of two, currently incarcerated and facing my own truth every single day: those skeletons don’t just sit there quietly. They grow. They multiply. They suffocate you from the inside out until one day, that closet door bursts open, and everything comes tumbling out usually at the worst possible moment.
Why We Hide Our Truth
I get it. The world has taught us to be ashamed of our pasts. Society loves to judge, to cancel, to label women especially young Black women based on our mistakes rather than our growth. We’re supposed to be perfect, pure, put-together. We’re supposed to have it all figured out by 25, right?
Wrong.
The pressure to maintain an image, to appear flawless on social media, to pretend like we haven’t been through hell and back it’s exhausting. So, we hide. We perform. We smile through the pain and post the highlight reel while our real selves are drowning in secrets.
But here’s the plot twist: hiding your truth doesn’t protect you. It imprisons you.
Every skeleton you keep locked away is another brick in the walls you build around your heart. Another barrier between you and a genuine connection. Another reason you can’t fully show up as your authentic self in your relationships, friendships, career, or even in your own mirror.
When the Closet Door Breaks Open
Let me paint you a picture. Imagine you’ve been stuffing skeletons in your closet for years one on top of another, cramming them in there, forcing the door shut. You think you’ve got it under control. You think your past is buried.
Then a storm comes.
Maybe it’s a new relationship getting serious. Maybe it’s someone from your past showing up. Maybe it’s a triggering conversation, a social media blast, or just the weight of carrying all those secrets finally becoming too much.
And just like a real graveyard in a hurricane caskets popping up, bones scattered everywhere, chaos unfolding your carefully hidden past explodes into your present. Messy. Uncontrolled. Painful.
I’ve seen it happen. Hell, I’ve lived it. And let me tell you, there’s a better way.
The Power of Telling Your Own Story
Here’s the raw truth I’ve learned: the right time to start cleaning out your closet is before someone else opens it for you.
For me, that moment came when I met my husband. Now, I’m not saying you need to trauma-dump on the first date or spill all your tea to every person you meet. But when you find someone who matters someone you can see building a real future with that’s when the healing work of honesty begins.
I remember being terrified. I had a past, sis. A fast past. Things I did in my younger days that I wasn’t proud of. Mistakes that kept me up at night. Shame sat on my chest like a boulder.
But you know what? When I finally opened to my husband about everything and I mean everything something incredible happened. Instead of judgment, I found acceptance. Instead of rejection, I found love. Instead of shame, I found freedom.
My Skeletons: From Darkness to Light
Let me be vulnerable with you for a moment because that’s what this community is about real talk, no filters, no shame.
I was sexually abused when I was six years old. For years, I carried that secret like a burden that was somehow my fault. I never told anyone. I buried it so deep that I convinced myself it didn’t matter, that I had moved on.
But trauma doesn’t work like that. It festers. It shapes you. It influences your relationships, your self-worth, your entire worldview whether you acknowledge it or not.
My husband was the first person I ever felt safe enough to tell. And you know what he did? He didn’t judge me. He didn’t make me feel dirty or damaged or less-than. He held space for my pain and loved me through it.
That moment of radical honesty opened the door to more truth. I shared my wild days, my PTSD, my poor decisions, my regrets, my fears all of it. Skeleton after skeleton came tumbling out, and instead of destroying our relationship, it strengthened it.
Because here’s the thing: when you give people the truth from your own mouth, you take away their power to weaponize your past against you.
Why Honesty Protects Your Peace
I can’t tell you how many times people have tried to “expose” me to my husband. They’ve reached out with screenshots, stories, receipts thinking they were about to blow up my marriage with some scandalous revelation from my past.
And every single time, my husband and I just laugh.
Not because my past isn’t real or doesn’t matter, but because he already knows. I told him myself. I owned my story before anyone else could twist it. So, when the gossip comes, when the haters try to stir up drama, there’s nothing to expose because I’ve already exposed myself on my own terms, in my own way, to the person who matters most.
That’s power, sis. That’s freedom.
The Mental Weight of Secrets
Let’s talk about what all those skeletons do to you mentally and emotionally. When you’re constantly hiding parts of yourself, you’re carrying an invisible weight that affects everything:
- Your self-worth: You start to believe you’re not enough, that you’re too damaged, too flawed, too messy to be loved fully.
- Your relationships: You can’t be truly intimate with someone when you’re hiding major parts of your life. You’re always on guard, always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
- Your mental health: Secrets breed anxiety, depression, shame spirals, and that constant feeling of being a fraud.
- Your future: You make decisions based on fear of exposure rather than what’s best for you.
You end up tiptoeing through your own life, trying not to wake up the monsters in the closet. But guess what? Eventually, you’re going to stumble. You’re going to get caught off guard. Someone’s going to ask you a question you’re not prepared for, and you’re going to lie—adding another skeleton to the pile, another layer of deception, another reason to feel like you’re not worthy of the life you’re building.
That’s not living, empress. That’s surviving. And you deserve so much more than that.
How to Start Cleaning Out Your Closet
So how do you do this? How do you face the things you’ve been running from for years? Here’s what I’ve learned:
1. Start with yourself. Before you tell anyone else, you need to be honest with yourself. Acknowledge what happened. Feel the feelings you’ve been avoiding. Write it down if that helps. The point is to stop pretending it doesn’t exist.
2. Find your safe person. This might be a therapist, a trusted friend, a partner, or even a journal. You need somewhere to practice vulnerability without judgment.
3. Own your narrative. When you’re ready to share, tell your story from a place of ownership, not shame. “This happened to me” or “I made this choice” is very different from “I’m worthless because…”
4. Set boundaries. You don’t owe everyone your trauma. You get to decide who deserves access to your full story. Choose wisely.
5. Release the shame. This is the hardest part. You have to truly believe that your past doesn’t define your worth. You are not your mistakes. You are not what was done to you. You are a survivor, a warrior, a phoenix rising from the ashes.
For My Young Empresses: Your Mess Is Your Message
If you’re between 18 and 30 right now, I see you. You’re navigating a world that’s simultaneously more connected and more judgmental than ever. You’re dealing with social media pressure, relationship chaos, career stress, financial struggles, and probably some trauma you haven’t fully processed yet.
You might be thinking, “I’m too young to have skeletons in my closet.” Sis, age doesn’t matter. Pain doesn’t care how old you are. Neither does shame.
But here’s what I need you to hear: your story matters. The things you’ve been through, the mistakes you’ve made, the secrets you’re carrying they don’t make you broken. They make you human. And when you find the courage to face them, they become your greatest source of strength and wisdom.
Every single thing I went through the abuse, the wild years, the poor decisions, the pain has shaped me into the woman writing these words today. A woman who can speak truth to other women walking similar paths. A woman who refuses to let shame win. A woman who’s learning that true freedom comes from radical honesty.
Your mess becomes your message. Your test becomes your testimony. Your wounds become your wisdom.
The Truth Will Set You Free (But First It Might Piss You Off)
I’m not going to lie to you facing your skeletons is hard work. There will be tears. There will be anger. There will be moments when you want to shove everything back in that closet and pretend you never started this journey.
But on the other side of that pain is something beautiful: the freedom to be fully, unapologetically yourself.
Imagine waking up every day without fear of exposure. Imagine building relationships on a foundation of complete honesty. Imagine looking in the mirror and seeing a whole person flaws, scars, mistakes, and all and actually liking who you see.
That’s what happens when you clean out the closet, sis. That’s what’s waiting for you on the other side of your courage.
A Final Word from Behind These Walls
Writing this from where I am incarcerated, separated from my two babies, facing the consequences of my own choices I have a unique perspective on truth and accountability. These walls have taught me that running from your past only keeps you imprisoned, even when you’re physically free.
But they’ve also taught me that it’s never too late to tell the truth. It’s never too late to own your story. It’s never too late to stop letting shame control your life.
I may be physically caged right now, but mentally and spiritually? I’m freer than I’ve ever been. Because I’ve stopped hiding. I’ve stopped pretending. I’ve stopped carrying the weight of secrets that were never mine to carry in the first place.
And if I can do it from in here, you can do it out there.
Your Challenge: Start Today
So here’s what I want you to do, empress. Today, right now, I want you to acknowledge one skeleton in your closet. You don’t have to tell anyone else yet. Just acknowledge it to yourself. Look it in the face. Say, “Yes, this happened. Yes, I carry this. And no, it doesn’t define me.”
That’s step one. That’s how the healing begins.
Because the truth is, those skeletons aren’t as scary as we make them out to be. They’re just parts of our story that we haven’t learned to integrate yet. They’re just chapters we’re afraid to read out loud.
But your story all of it, the beautiful and the broken is worth telling. You are worth being known, fully and completely.
So let’s start cleaning out those closets together, one skeleton at a time. Let’s choose freedom over fear. Let’s choose honesty over hiding. Let’s choose to rise, again and again, no matter how many times we’ve fallen.
Because that’s what phoenixes do, sis. We burn. We fall. We rise.
And we do it unapologetically.
Your next read: Exhibiting Forgiveness: Let Go and Let God.