Product of Environment – By Phoenix Rising
Hello, my melanin queens and beautiful souls. Today’s blog is about being a product of your environment and how your children mirror your behavior. I’m writing this from a place of reflection and hard-earned wisdom—as a 26-year-old mother of two who is currently incarcerated. This isn’t easy to share, but if my story can help even one parent see things differently, then every word is worth it.
The Moment That Changed Everything
Today’s inspiration came from a conversation about my four-year-old son, who will be turning five in just one month. Right now, he’s at that precious stage where he’s really coming into his own personality. He’s starting to understand his place in the world. He’s aware of his environment. He’s watching his role models closely and beginning to mirror the actions they model.
My son recently told me something that stopped me in my tracks: “Mommy, I want a shirt that says Moise Law Firm.”
Let me tell you why this hit me so hard. His father has his own law firm, and right now, while I’m in here, his dad is his primary role model. At just four years old—almost five—my baby already knows what he wants. He sees what his father does and wants to follow in his footsteps. He wants to wear that identity proudly on his chest, literally.
Children Are Always Watching
This moment showed me something profound: just because a child is small, just because they don’t speak in complete sentences yet, just because they can’t fully articulate what they want, does not mean they don’t know what’s going on. If a five-year-old is saying, “I want my shirt to say law firm,” imagine what they’re absorbing when they witness negative behaviors.
Think about it. If at five years old, a child can identify with something as specific as their parent’s profession and want to emulate it, what happens when what they’re seeing is drinking, smoking, arguing, violence, or disrespect? They’re putting all of that into their little mental backpack too.
My Truth: What I Was Doing
I have to be honest with you all. Before I was incarcerated, I was drinking and smoking around my children. But here’s the thing—my youngest was only two and my oldest was three when I
got locked up. At that point in their development, they didn’t really understand what I was doing. They were too young to process those behaviors and make meaning of them.
Now that I’m incarcerated and they’re growing up, they’re at the age where they’re learning rapidly. They’re starting to pick up on behaviors, attitudes, and values, and they’re actually storing them in their little life backpacks. The fact that I was removed from their daily lives before they reached that critical age of understanding—it just goes to show that God really is working for a higher purpose. Sometimes our consequences are also our protections.
The Critical Years: Four and Beyond
Parents, please hear me on this: watch what you show your kids, especially from age 4 and up. That’s when they start truly absorbing everything. If they witness toxic behavior, that’s what they’re going to start picking up. They might not demonstrate it immediately—after all, they’re still young and learning how to navigate relationships—but trust and believe, they’re storing it all away.
If your children see dysfunction between mom and dad, they’re going to start replicating it with their siblings. That’s what they’re going to demonstrate in school. That’s what will become their normal. And then you’ll be sitting there months or years later, wondering, “Why is my child acting this way? They weren’t like this a few months ago.”
But mama, daddy—you have to understand that even though they might not see everything directly, they’re still absorbing it all. You can argue in the next room all you want, but they still hear the tone. They still feel the tension. They see the body language. They notice when mommy isn’t upbeat anymore. They clock when daddy isn’t coming home when he’s supposed to. They see all of that, and they’re making sense of it in their developing minds.
The Mirror Effect
Children are mirrors. Whatever you put out into your home, they’re going to reflect it back— maybe not today, perhaps not tomorrow, but eventually. This is what I mean when I talk about being a product of your environment. Our children don’t just inherit our DNA; they inherit our patterns, traumas, habits, and values.
If you’re out here in these streets doing questionable things, if you’re smoking and drinking heavily in front of them, if you’re being disrespectful to your partner, if you’re demonstrating that it’s okay to handle conflict with violence or harsh words—trust me, that’s the behavior they’re storing in their backpacks. That’s what’s going to come out when they’re stressed, when they’re in relationships, when they’re parenting their own children one day.
But here’s the beautiful flip side of this truth: if you’re praying, if you’re earning an honest living, if you’re being kind to one another, if you’re showing respect even when you disagree, if you’re demonstrating integrity and character—that’s also what your kids will mirror at school. That’s what they’re going to carry into their adult lives. That’s the legacy you’re building.
From Inside These Walls
Being in here has given me a perspective I never would have gained otherwise. I see so many women in here whose children are now walking the same paths that led their mothers to incarceration. I see generational cycles unfold in real time. And it breaks my heart because I know that in many cases, those children were doing what they saw modeled for them.
But I also see hope. I see women in here getting their GEDs, taking parenting classes, going to therapy, learning new skills, and breaking generational curses. I see mothers who are determined that their children will not end up where they are. They’re using this time to transform, to heal, to become the parent their children deserve.
That’s what I’m trying to do. Every day in here is a day I’m working on myself so that when I get out, my children will see a different version of me. They’ll see a mother who learned from her mistakes, who grew through her pain, who turned her mess into a message.
Children Are a Product of Their EnvironmentThe Backpack Analogy
I keep coming back to this image of children carrying little backpacks through life. Every interaction they witness, every behavior they observe, every value they’re exposed to—it all goes into that backpack. By the time they’re teenagers, that backpack is pretty full. By the time they’re adults, it’s overflowing, and they’re pulling things out of it without even realizing where those patterns came from.
“Why do I yell when I’m angry? Oh, because that’s what I saw growing up.” “Why do I shut down instead of communicating? Oh, because that’s what my parents did.” “Why do I turn to substances when I’m stressed? Oh, because that’s what was modeled for me.”
We have the power to determine what goes into our children’s backpacks. We really do. It starts with becoming conscious of our own behaviors and making intentional choices about what we want to model.
Start Moving Differently
So here’s my challenge to every parent reading this: start moving with more consciousness. Be intentional about what you’re teaching your children through your actions. Remember, they’re not just listening to what you say—they’re watching what you do. And what you do will always speak louder than what you say.
If you’re in a toxic relationship, your children are learning that’s what love looks like. If you’re handling stress with substances, your children are learning that’s how you cope. If you’re speaking negatively about yourself, your children are learning that’s how they should speak about themselves.
But if you’re showing them resilience, if you’re demonstrating healthy communication, if you’re modeling self-love and respect for others, if you’re showing them what it looks like to work hard and dream big—like my son’s father is doing with his law firm—then that’s what they’ll carry forward.
The Law Firm Shirt
I keep thinking about my son wanting that law firm shirt. In the midst of everything our family is going through—with me being incarcerated and all the challenges that bring—my baby boy is focused on something positive. He’s looking at his father’s accomplishments and saying, “I want to be like that.”
That’s powerful. That’s hopeful. That’s proof that even in difficult circumstances, what we choose to model matters. His father could have fallen apart when I got locked up. He could have demonstrated bitterness, anger, or defeat. But instead, he’s showing our son what perseverance looks like. He’s showing him what it means to build something, to have a profession, to work hard.
And now my son, at not even five years old, is already associating himself with that positive image. That’s the power of role modeling, y’all.
My Prayer for You
I hope and pray that you all receive this message with very open arms and open hearts. I’m not writing this from a place of judgment—Lord knows I’ve made my share of mistakes. I’m writing this from a place of love and urgency because I’ve learned these lessons the hard way, and I don’t want other parents to have to teach them the same way I did.
Your children are watching. They’re listening. They’re absorbing. They’re becoming. Make sure what they’re becoming reflects your highest self, not your lowest moments.
From the age of four on, children know what’s going on. They might not be able to articulate it perfectly, but they feel it. They sense it. They internalize it. So, let’s give them something beautiful to internalize. Let’s fill their backpacks with love, respect, healthy communication, resilience, and hope.
Moving Forward
Every day, I wake up in this place, and I think about my babies. I think about what I want them to remember about their mother. Yes, they’ll remember that I was incarcerated—that’s a fact I can’t change. But I’m determined that they’ll also remember that their mother learned, grew, and transformed. I want them to know that mistakes don’t define you—how you respond to them does.
When I get out of here, I’m going to be moving differently. I’m going to be more conscious. I’m going to be more intentional. I’m going to make sure that what I’m modeling is what I want them to mirror. And I encourage every parent out there to start making those same commitments today—not tomorrow, not next week, but right now.
Because your four-year-old is watching, your five-year-old is watching. Your ten-year-old is watching. And they’re all adding to their backpacks based on what they see you do.
Let’s make sure we’re giving them the right things to carry.
With love and truth, Phoenix Rising
Currently incarcerated but forever focused on breaking cycles and building legacy.