Discipline Behind Bars – Pheonix Rising
Hello, my beautiful emphasis family. It’s Phoenix Rising here, coming to you from behind these walls where I’ve been learning some of life’s hardest lessons. Today I want to share something with you that has genuinely transformed my journey—a lesson that seemed so simple at first but has become one of the most powerful tools in my healing process. I’m calling this one “My Routine is My New Revenge.”
From Freedom to Kindergarten: The Shock of Incarceration
You know, when I first got here, I felt like I had been transported back to kindergarten. Everything—and I mean everything—must be done a specific way. Make your bed like this. Tuck your uniform in like that. Stand here. Walk there. If you don’t do it exactly right? Well, you better believe they’ll make you do that walk of shame right back to your cell to fix whatever tiny infraction they’ve spotted.
And let me tell you, they will find something. Your bed wasn’t made with hospital corners tight enough. Your uniform shirt came untucked by half an inch. Maybe your pants somehow got tucked into your socks—how does that even happen? Or there’s a wrinkle in your collar. Perhaps that 6×10 space you’re living in has one item slightly out of place. The littlest things become mountains here.
The Anger and the Awakening
At first, I was angry. I’m a grown woman, a mother of two beautiful children, and here I was being treated like I couldn’t even dress myself properly. The corrections officers would find these tiny reasons to confront you, to speak to you in that condescending tone like you’re a child who doesn’t know any better. And honestly? I think sometimes that’s exactly what they’re looking for—a reason to engage, a reason to exert control, a reason to remind you of where you are and who’s in charge.
But here’s what I’ve learned, and this is the key to everything: The best way to handle someone who’s looking for confrontation is to give them absolutely nothing to work with. Just do exactly what’s expected of you. And you know what? That makes them even more frustrated than if you’d given them an attitude.
The Power of Doing What’s Expected
Think about it this way: If you already know that every single morning they’re going to inspect your bed, and you already know you’re maybe not in the best mood, or maybe you’re having a rough day, just make your bed properly the first time. I know it seems stupid. I know it feels petty and ridiculous. But do it anyway.
If you know that the officer at the checkpoint is going to be looking for any excuse to write you up about your uniform, have it fixed before you even get there. Because here’s the truth about people—some people wake up every morning looking for someone to project their negative energy onto. They’re searching for a target for their frustration, their anger, their need for control.
Protecting Your Peace as an Empath
And as an empath, which I’ve come to understand that I am, I don’t want that energy anywhere near me. If I wake up in a good mood, I want to keep it. I want to surround myself with positivity and good energy all day long. So why would I deliberately do something that I know is going to bring negativity crashing into my day?
Real-World Examples: The Speed Trap on Fifth Avenue
Let me put this in a real-world scenario that you can relate to better. Imagine there’s a police officer who parks on the corner of Fifth Avenue every single morning with his little speed radar gun. He’s there every day, like clockwork. Now, you’re already running late for work. You know he’s there. You know he’s waiting. So, what do you do? Do you speed down Fifth Avenue anyway, hoping maybe today he won’t notice? Of course not! You wake up earlier. You give yourself extra time. You drive the speed limit. That way, he can’t pull you over, you don’t get a ticket, and you don’t end up even later to work than you already were—plus now you’re not out the money for that ticket you can’t afford.
The Homework Before the TV Show
Or here’s another example: Remember when you were younger and your parents would ask, “Did you do your homework?” And if you hadn’t done it, you knew you weren’t going to be able to play video games or watch your favorite TV show that night. Well, if you know your favorite show is coming on at eight o’clock, why do your homework as soon as you get home from school? Then, when eight o’clock rolls around, you can sit down and enjoy your show without any stress, without any guilt, without anyone standing over you asking questions.
Routine as Revenge: Taking Back Your Power
That’s what I mean when I say routine is my new revenge. That’s how you take your power back from people who are trying to make you angry or frustrated. You do exactly what you’re supposed to do, exactly when you’re supposed to do it, and you keep pushing forward. You don’t give them the satisfaction of seeing you upset. You don’t give them the opening they’re looking for to ruin your day.
This lesson has become so much bigger than just making my bed properly or tucking in my shirt. It’s become a fundamental part of my journey toward self-healing and self-discovery. Because what I’m really learning here is discipline, consistency, and the power of controlling what I can control.
What I Can and Cannot Control
I can’t control the fact that I’m incarcerated right now. I can’t control the officers who are looking for reasons to confront me. I can’t control the rules that feel petty or the system that feels designed to break your spirit. But I can control how I respond. I can choose whether to give them ammunition or to move through my day with grace and dignity intact.
Rebuilding My Relationship with God
This is part of my relationship with God that I’m rebuilding. It’s teaching me patience. It’s teaching me humility—not the kind where you let people walk all over you, but the kind that recognizes that sometimes the high road means just doing what needs to be done without complaint. It’s teaching me that I’m stronger than I ever knew I could be.
Lessons for My Children
And when I think about my children, my two beautiful babies, whom I miss every single day, I want them to know that their mama learned something valuable from this experience. I want them to understand that life is going to put obstacles in their path. There will be people who seem determined to make things harder for you. There will be rules that don’t seem fair and systems that feel designed to work against you.
But you always have a choice in how you respond. You can fight against every little thing and exhaust yourself, or you can master your routine, do what you need to do, and save your energy for the things that truly matter.
The Strength of Family and Faith
My family and relatives have been such a source of strength for me during this time. Every visit, every letter, every prayer—they remind me of what I’m working toward. They remind me that this season of my life is temporary, but the lessons I’m learning and the person I’m becoming will last forever.
Finding Value in Small Things
I’m learning to appreciate the value of the small things. A properly made bed isn’t just about avoiding confrontation—it’s about taking pride in my space, no matter how small that space is. A properly worn uniform isn’t just about following rules—it’s about maintaining my dignity and self-respect even when others might try to strip it away.
Trust behind bars: Measuring change in inmates’ prosocial preferences
The Journey of Self-Forgiveness
This journey of self-forgiveness has been the hardest part. Forgiving myself for the choices that led me here. Forgiving myself for the time I’m missing with my children. Forgiving myself for not being the person I needed to be when it mattered most. But part of that forgiveness comes from recognizing that I’m doing the work now. I’m not just serving time—I’m using this time to transform myself.
Every Morning Is a Choice
Every morning when I wake up and make that bed with perfect hospital corners, I’m making a choice. I’m choosing to be better than my circumstances. I’m choosing to maintain my peace. I’m choosing to show up as the woman I want to be, not the woman this place might try to make me.
Your Takeaway: Make Routine Your Revenge
So, my beautiful emphasis family, here’s what I want you to take away from this: Whatever your “Fifth Avenue” is—whatever that thing is in your life that you know is going to come up and try to derail your day—handle it before it becomes a problem. Do your homework before your favorite show comes on. Drive the speed limit past that speed trap. Make your bed the right way the first time.
Make your routine your revenge. Don’t give negative people the satisfaction of getting under your skin. Don’t permit difficult circumstances to steal your peace. Do what you need to do, maintain your dignity, and keep pushing forward toward the person you’re meant to be.
Rising Every Day
This is Phoenix Rising, and I’m rising every single day, one properly made bed at a time. I’ll see you in the next blog, beautiful people. Keep your heads up and your routines tight.
Bye-bye, emphasis family. Stay blessed.
About Phoenix Rising: Phoenix Rising is a 26-year-old mother of two on a journey of self-healing, self-discovery, and self-forgiveness while incarcerated. Through her blog, she shares lessons learned behind bars about faith, family, discipline, and finding power in the midst of powerlessness.