Dear Younger Me – By Phoenix Rising
Hey empresses (and young kings too y’all need to hear this just as much),
If you could send a text message back in time to your younger self, what would you say? Would you warn yourself about that toxic relationship? That fake friend? That terrible haircut you thought was cute. (We’ve all been there, don’t even lie.)
Well, I can’t time-travel trust me, if I could, I’d be doing a lot more than writing this blog. But what I CAN do is write a letter to my younger self and hope that maybe, just MAYBE, some of you reading this will see yourself in my story and make better choices than I did.
Here is a brutally honest letter from a 26-year-old Phoenix, currently writing from inside a prison, to teenage Phoenix, who thought she had everything figured out but had no clue.
Dear Younger Phoenix (AKA Little Miss “I Know Everything”),
Hey girl. It’s me. Well, it’s you. From the future. And before you roll your eyes and think this is going to be some boring lecture, let me start by saying: I get it. You think you’re grown. You think you know what you’re doing. You think the adults in your life are just hating, exaggerating, or trying to control you.
Spoiler alert: They’re not. And you’re about to learn that the hard way.
Right now, you’re probably thinking, “Nothing bad is going to happen to ME. I’m different. I’m smart. I’ve got this under control.” Girl, I hate to break it to you, but that’s precisely what every person who ends up in a bad situation thinks before it happens.
Let me tell you where I’m writing this from, little Phoenix. I’m sitting in a prison facility, wearing clothes that aren’t mine, eating food that tastes like cardboard mixed with regret, separated from my two beautiful babies, whom I love more than life itself. Yeah. THAT’S where your “I know everything” attitude gets you.
But I’m not just here to scare you (okay, maybe a little). I’m here to share the lessons I wish someone had shared with me. The real talk. The stuff that matters.
Lesson 1:
Remember that group of friends you think you can’t live without? The ones you skip class for, lie to your parents for, and make bad decisions with? Yeah, about that…
Here’s what nobody tells you when you’re young: Not everyone who smiles in your face is your friend. Some people are just around for the fun times, the drama, or because they need someone to drag down with them.
Real talk? Some of your closest “friends” right now won’t even answer the phone when your life falls apart. Some of them will celebrate your downfall. Some of them are actively leading you toward the same mistakes they’re making because misery loves company, and mediocrity needs witnesses.
I’m not saying don’t have friends. I’m saying be SELECTIVE. A true friend will tell you when you’re making a mistake. A real friend will try to stop you from making dumb decisions, not encourage you to make even dumber ones. A real friend will still be there when the fun stops and real life hits.
And if you’re the most intelligent, most ambitious, most responsible person in your friend group? That’s not a friend group that’s a weight you’re carrying. Get new friends.
The Lesson:
Quality over quantity, always. Better to have two real ones than twenty fake ones.
Lesson 2:
Boys Are NOT Worth Throwing Your Future Away Oh girl, this is the BIG one. Listen to me very carefully: THAT BOY IS NOT WORTH IT.
I don’t care how cute he is. I don’t care how much he says he loves you. I don’t care if he buys you things, makes you feel special, or tells you you’re different from other girls. (Side note: If he’s saying you’re “not like other girls,” RUN. That’s code for “I don’t respect women, including you.”)
Right now, you might be thinking about skipping school to hang out with him and lying to your parents about where you are. Making decisions that could mess up your future—all for someone who, let me tell you from experience, probably won’t even be in your life in five years.
Here’s the truth bomb: Any boy who asks you to sacrifice your education, your safety, your reputation, your future, or your relationship with your family? He doesn’t love you. He loves CONTROL. He loves having someone he can manipulate. He loves feeling powerful.
And another thing—if he’s in “the streets,” doing illegal stuff, hanging with dangerous people, or constantly in trouble, and he wants you to be his ride-or-die? GIRL, BYE. Don’t be his ride-or die. Be his ride-AWAY. As fast as possible.
I’m not saying don’t date. Don’t let someone else’s priorities overshadow your own future. Don’t let temporary feelings create permanent consequences.
The Lesson:
A real man will support your dreams, not derail them. If he’s not adding to your life, he’s subtracting from it. And you can’t afford to lose points right now.
Lesson 3:
Let’s talk about all the things that seem exciting, rebellious, and fun when you’re young but are actually just… stupid.
Skipping school to hang out? Seems fun until you’re trying to graduate, and you’ve missed so much that you’re behind everyone else.
Drinking and smoking to fit in? Seems incredible until it becomes a habit you can’t control, or worse, an addiction that ruins your life.
Taking risks with people you barely know? Seems adventurous until you’re in a situation you can’t get out of, with people you can’t trust, doing things you can’t take back.
Posting everything on social media for likes and attention? Seems harmless until those posts are being used as evidence against you in court. (Yes, really. That happens. A LOT.)
I know it feels like everyone else is doing these things and nothing bad is happening to them. But trust me, you only see the surface. You don’t see the consequences happening behind closed doors. You don’t see the regret, the pain, the “I wish I had made different choices” moments that come later.
The Lesson:
If your future self wouldn’t be proud of it, don’t do it. And if you have to hide it from the people who love you, that’s a red flag the size of a football field.
Lesson 4:
I know, I know. Your parents or guardians don’t understand you. They’re too strict. They don’t trust you. They’re always on your case about something.
But here’s the thing I wish I had understood earlier: They’re not trying to ruin your fun. They’re trying to protect you from the mistakes they’ve seen or made themselves.
When they tell you someone is bad news? They can usually see it before you can because they’re not blinded by emotions or peer pressure.
When do they set rules that seem ridiculous? It’s usually because they know how quickly things can go wrong.
When they ask a million questions about where you’re going and who you’re with? It’s because they love you and they’re terrified something might happen to you.
I’m not saying they’re always right. I’m not saying they handle everything perfectly. But I AM saying that one day, when you have your own kids (and trust me, you will—two beautiful babies who will change your whole world), you’ll understand why they worried so much.
The Lesson:
You don’t have to agree with everything they say, but at least consider that they might see something you don’t. They’ve lived more lives than you. Use that wisdom instead of fighting it.
Lesson 5:
This is the lesson I learned the hardest way possible, little Phoenix. Are you listening? Really listening?
You think you’re invincible. You think, “That won’t happen to me.” You think consequences are for other people—the ones who aren’t as thoughtful or careful as you.
But consequences don’t care about your intentions. They don’t care that you didn’t mean for things to go that far. They don’t care that you were trying to help someone you cared about. They don’t care that you thought you could control the situation.
One decision—ONE decision—can change your entire life. It can take you from honor roll to jail cell. From college plans to court dates. From freedom to prison. From being able to hug your kids goodnight to only being able to talk to them through a phone with a correctional officer listening to every word.
I made choices that seemed small at the time. Choices I thought I could handle. Choices I was convinced wouldn’t really hurt anyone. And now I’m sitting here, years later, missing my babies’ childhoods, watching them grow up through pictures and short phone calls, knowing I caused this.
The Lesson:
Every choice has a consequence. Every. Single. One. Choose wisely, because you can’t undo the damage once it’s done.
Lesson 6:
Your body is not a toy, a tool, or something you should give away to prove you’re grown or to keep someone’s attention.
Your mind is not something you should dull with substances just because you’re stressed or want to escape reality.
Your future is not something you should gamble with because you’re bored or trying to prove something to people who don’t even matter.
At 26, from inside a prison, I can tell you with absolute certainty: The thrill isn’t worth it. The attention isn’t worth it. The temporary high isn’t worth it. NOTHING is worth sacrificing your freedom, your health, or your future.
The Lesson:
You only get one body, one mind, and one shot at building your future. Protect all three like your life depends on it because it does.
Lesson 7:
You know what’s really cool? Being the one who goes home when things get sketchy. Being the one who says no when everyone else says yes. Being the one who chooses homework over hangouts sometimes. Being the one who has a plan for their future.
Your friends might call you boring. They might say you’re acting like you’re better than them. They might leave you out because you won’t participate in their mess.
LET THEM.
I promise you, in five years, ten years, when you’re living your best life with your freedom, your family, your goals achieved, and your peace of mind intact, those same people will either be stuck in the same place or wishing they’d made the choices you made.
Being “boring” when you’re young means being FREE when you’re older.
The Lesson:
Don’t sacrifice your future on the altar of other people’s opinions. Your future self will thank you.
What I Wish Someone Had Told Me (And What I’m Telling You)
Little Phoenix, I wish someone had grabbed me by the shoulders, looked me dead in the eyes, and said:
“Your choices right now are creating your reality later. You’re not invincible. You’re not the exception. The streets don’t love you. That boy doesn’t love you the way you think he does. Your parents aren’t the enemy. And consequences are REAL.”
I wish someone had told me that it’s okay to be different, to walk away, to choose yourself, to disappoint people who have bad intentions for you.
I wish someone had told me that my gut feeling was always right, and I should have listened to it.
I wish someone had told me that I was worth more than the situations I was putting myself in.
But nobody told me those things. Or maybe they did, and I didn’t listen because I thought I knew better.
A Special Note to My Daughter:
Baby girl, come here. Let me talk to you for a minute. Not as Phoenix the writer or Phoenix the person sharing her story with the world, but as your mama who loves you more than life itself and wishes she could protect you from every hurt in this world.
You’re growing up, and I see you changing. You’re beautiful—more beautiful than you even realize. And because of that beauty, people are going to notice you. Some of those people will have good intentions. But baby, some of them won’t.
There are going to be people—boys, men, even some women—who will try to make you feel special so that they can use you. They’ll say all the right things, make all the right promises, and make you feel like you’re the only person in the world who matters to them. And then, once they get what they want, they’ll throw you away like a piece of trash and move on to the next person.
Listen to me very carefully:
You are NOT trash. You are NOT disposable. You are NOT something to be used and discarded.
You are precious. You are valuable. You are worthy of respect, protection, and genuine love— the kind of love that doesn’t ask you to compromise yourself, lower your standards, or give away pieces of yourself that you can’t get back.
Your body is YOURS. Not anyone else’s. Not even someone who claims they love you. It’s your choice, your decision, your right to say no, to wait, to protect yourself. And anyone who truly cares about you will respect that. Anyone who truly loves you won’t pressure you, manipulate you, or make you feel bad for having boundaries.
Baby girl, I made mistakes that I can’t undo. I let people into my life who didn’t deserve to be there. I gave pieces of myself away to people who didn’t value them. I thought I was grown, thought I knew what I was doing, thought I could handle situations that I wasn’t ready for. And I ended up hurt, used, and broken.
I don’t want that for you. I don’t want you to learn these lessons the way I did. I don’t want you to wake up one day and realize you let someone treat you like you were worthless when, in fact, you are priceless.
So here’s what I need you to understand:
You are the whole diamond mine, not just a jewel
People who want to use you will try to make you feel like you should be grateful for their attention. But you’re not lucky to have them— they would be blessed to have you. Know your worth.
If they can’t wait for you, they don’t deserve you
Anyone who truly cares about you will respect your timeline, your boundaries, and your decisions. If they’re rushing you, pressuring you, or making you feel bad for saying no, that’s not love. That’s manipulation. Run.
Once you give something away, you can’t get it back
I’m not just talking about physical intimacy I’m talking about your time, your energy, your trust, your peace of mind. Be selective about who gets access to you. Not everyone deserves it.
You teach people how to treat you
If you accept disrespect, you’ll continue to receive disrespect. If you take being someone’s secret, backup plan, or convenient option, that’s what you’ll be. Set the standard high and don’t lower it for anyone.
Your heart is not a toy
Don’t let people play with it. Don’t let them come and go from your life whenever they feel like it. Don’t be someone’s “maybe” or “sometimes.” You deserve someone’s “absolutely” and “always.”
Baby girl, I’m writing this from a place where I can’t protect you the way I want to. I wish I could be there to warn you when someone isn’t right for you. I wish I could be there to pick up the pieces when someone breaks your heart. I wish I could be there to hold you when you make a mistake and need your mama.
But what I CAN do is tell you the truth now, while there’s still time for you to make different choices than I did.
You are not trash. You are not disposable. You are not something to be used for someone else’s pleasure or ego and then thrown away.
You are my daughter. You are brilliant, beautiful, and capable of amazing things. You deserve to be cherished, protected, and loved the RIGHT way—the way that honors who you are and who you’re becoming.
Don’t settle for less than you deserve just because you’re lonely, curious, or trying to fit in. Don’t give yourself away to people who won’t treasure what you’re offering. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re nothing when you are EVERYTHING.
I love you more than you’ll ever understand until you have children of your own. And if I could give you one gift, it would be the ability to see yourself the way I see you—as priceless, irreplaceable, and deserving of the absolute best this world has to offer.
Protect yourself, baby girl. Not just your body, but your heart, your mind, your spirit, your future. You only get one life. Don’t let anyone steal your joy, your innocence, your peace, or your potential.
Be smart. Be strong. Be selective. Be the girl who knows her worth and refuses to accept anything less than what she deserves.
I’m rooting for you. Always.
Love,
Your Mama
P.S. When boys tell you they love you after two weeks, they don’t. When they say you’re different from other girls, you’re not—you’re just their current target. When they promise they’ll wait for you, but keep pushing, they won’t. Trust your gut, baby girl. It knows before your heart does.
To the Young Person Reading This Right Now
If you’re reading this and you see yourself in any part of my story—if you’re entertaining ideas that you know deep down are dangerous, if you’re hanging with people who are leading you down the wrong path, if you’re making choices that could cost you everything—please, PLEASE learn from my mistakes instead of making your own.
You don’t have to touch the hot stove to know it burns. You can learn from watching someone else get burned.
I’m 26 years old. I should be out there living my life, chasing my dreams, raising my babies in person, building my future. Instead, I’m writing this from behind walls, counting down the days until I can hold my children again, carrying the weight of decisions I made when I thought I was grown but was really just a kid playing with fire.
Don’t be me. Be better than me. Be more intelligent than me. Be the version of yourself that your future self will be proud of.
The Challenge (Because You Know I Always Have One)
Here’s what I want you to do:
1. Think about the choices you’re making right now.
Are they leading you toward your goals or away from them?
2. Evaluate your circle.
Are your friends encouraging you to be better or pulling you down?
3. Write a letter to your FUTURE self.
What do you want to be able to say when you’re 26? What kind of life do you want to have?
4. Make a better choice this week—just one.
Say no to something you know you shouldn’t do. Walk away from a bad situation. Choose the responsible option over the “fun” one. 5.
Talk to someone you trust
If you’re in a situation you don’t know how to get out of, or if you’re thinking about doing something you know is wrong, TALK TO SOMEONE. A parent, a teacher, a counselor, a mentor. Someone who actually cares about your future.
Final Words from Future You
Little Phoenix, and all the young people reading this: You are not invincible, but you ARE valuable. You are not grown yet, but you CAN make grown-up decisions. You are not perfect, but you ARE worth protecting.
Your life matters—your future matters. Your freedom matters.
Please don’t throw it all away for temporary thrills, fake friends, or people who don’t deserve your loyalty.
Be boring. Be safe. Be smart. Be the one who makes it out.
Because I’m telling you from experience: The streets don’t have a retirement plan. Bad decisions don’t come with do-overs. And consequences don’t care about your potential—they only care about your actions.
Choose better than I did. Be better than I was. Live the life I wish I were living.
With love, hard lessons, and hope for your future,
Phoenix Rising
Your Future Self (Who Wishes She Could Go Back and Shake Some Sense Into You)
P.S. If you’re reading this and thinking, “This doesn’t apply to me,” then congratulations—keep doing what you’re doing. But if you’re reading this and feeling called out? That’s not a coincidence. That’s a warning.
Listen to it. P.P.S. And if you’re already in too deep and don’t know how to get out? It’s not too late. Talk to someone. Ask for help. Make a different choice starting TODAY. Your story doesn’t have to end the way mine did. You can still write a different ending.