Community Behind Bars – by Phoenix Rising
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I’m Ruth “Phoenix Rising” Moise—a 27-year-old mother of two beautiful souls who are growing up while I’m growing through this experience called incarceration. Today, I want to talk to you about something that’s been heavy on my heart and mind: finding authentic community in a place where it seems like there isn’t any.
Daily Reality: What Life in Prison Actually Looks Like for Women
Let me give you a glimpse into my world right now—the reality that most people never see or understand about women’s incarceration. My daily life revolves around officers coming to do rounds in our dormitory every 30 minutes like clockwork. We’re always on edge, always on “ready” because our superiors who conduct inspections can come through at ANY time.
And if anything—and I mean ANYTHING—is out of place, our precious sense of humanity gets snatched away faster than you can blink.
What you lose during lockdowns:
- Phone privileges (connection to family and children)
- Recreation time (essential for mental health)
- Canteen access (the compound store—our lifeline to basic comforts)
It’s wild how quickly your world shrinks when someone decides you don’t deserve access to the small comforts that remind you you’re still human. This is the reality of women’s prison life that affects everything from mental health to mother-child relationships.
Surviving Prison Locker Searches: What Incarcerated Women Face Daily
Then we have those gosh darn locker searches. Let me tell you something that every incarcerated person knows: IF YOU SEE GLOVES, RUN! ASK QUESTIONS LATER!
I’m dead serious. When those correctional officers walk in with gloves on, we can get hit at any time, and when you get hit, they are taking ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. That altered clothing you spent three weeks customizing to give yourself a little bit of individual expression? They’re taking it.
Or if you’re lucky—and I do mean LUCKY—they’ll just tell you to “pop the stitches,” and then we’ll alter it later. No problem, honey bun. You said pop the stitches? “Yes sir!” Who are we to disobey a verbal order? We smile, we comply, and we wait for the storm to pass. Then we pull out that needle and thread again because self-expression doesn’t die just because someone tried to take it away.
The ripple effect of one person’s actions: You have people in here doing reckless things like smoking contraband, ready to get us ALL shook down and locked down. One person’s poor choices can cost an entire dormitory their privileges, their peace, their sense of security. This collective punishment is one of the hardest aspects of prison life for women trying to stay positive.
Why Positive Outlets Are Critical for Mental Health in Prison
So when you find that ONE positive escape in this concrete jungle, you hold onto it with dear life. For incarcerated women, positive coping mechanisms aren’t just helpful—they’re essential for survival.
Common positive outlets for women in prison:
- Church events and spiritual gatherings
- Women’s support groups and therapy sessions
- Book clubs and educational programs
- Workout classes and exercise groups
- Creative arts and writing programs
- Mentorship opportunities
I chose the workout option this past Monday with a friend of mine named Amber, and it changed everything about my day.
How to Find Real Friends in Prison: Amber’s Story and Authentic Connection
Amber is an empathetic person just as I am, and we connected on the same mentorship wavelength almost immediately. She sees my vision for young women—for empowering the next generation, for being the example I wish I’d had, for showing my own daughters that mistakes don’t define your entire story. And I see her vision too. It’s beautiful when two people can dream in the same language.
What makes a genuine friendship in prison:
- Mutual respect and understanding
- Shared values and goals
- Elevation in every conversation
- Support without judgment
- Accountability when needed
One thing I absolutely love about a genuine friend or potential ally is that we can speak about the same things repeatedly, and it’s never boring. Instead, there’s elevation in every conversation. It’s like feeding each other’s minds and souls with goals for the future, with possibilities that exist beyond these walls. That’s what type of friend Amber is—someone who adds fuel to your fire instead of trying to blow it out.
How to Avoid Toxic Relationships in Prison: Reading Energy and Recognizing Red Flags
Now, if you don’t know how to pick up on energies yet, let me give you some advice that could save you a lot of heartache: Don’t take everybody’s “good vibe” and run with it. There are A LOT of wolves in sheep’s clothing roaming around prison. People will smile in your face while plotting your downfall. They’ll act like your friend while studying your weaknesses.
Red flags to watch for in prison friendships:
- Inconsistency between words and actions
- Drama following them everywhere
- Gossiping about others (they’ll gossip about you too)
- Only reaching out when they need something
- Making you feel drained after interactions
- Pressuring you to compromise your values
This isn’t just a prison problem, though. Whether you’re incarcerated or living in the free world, there are people who will present one face while hiding another. Learning to read energy, to trust your gut, to pay attention to actions over words—these are survival skills that matter everywhere.
Mental Health Strategies for Incarcerated Women: Protecting Your Peace Behind Bars
So this past Monday started off rough. There were some heated arguments between a few individuals in the dorm, and the entire atmosphere was off completely. You know that feeling when tension is so thick in the air that you can barely breathe? When negative energy is bouncing off the walls and seeping into your spirit? That was the vibe.
Amber looked at me and said, “Let’s head to wellness”—that’s what we call the compound’s gym.
At first, work obligations were trying to keep me trapped in the dorm. Plus, there was that voice in my head—the one we all have—saying it was safer to just stay put, to avoid any potential drama, to keep my head down. But I released that thought like a bad habit and said, “Let’s GO!”
Best decision I could have made.
The Workout That Changed My Mental State
I was so happy that I went because we had my Afrobeat music playing in the background, and we were just VIBING and having a blast!
Our stress-relief workout included:
- Squats (legs shaking, but spirits lifting)
- Running man (nostalgia and cardio combined)
- Burpees (questioning life choices but pushing through)
- Volleyball in the crisp December air (pure freedom)
It was just a vibe, you know? Sweating out the stress, sharing nothing but happy and genuine laughter, moving our bodies and remembering what joy feels like. In that moment, I wasn’t inmate number 12345. I was Ruth. I was Phoenix Rising. I was a woman who can still experience pure happiness despite her circumstances.
Why Isolation Is Dangerous for Incarcerated Women
Being confined in a dorm all day reminds me of my “mini vacation” in County Jail for outside court appearances. Yeah, no—that’s not a vacation I’d recommend to anyone. I have mobility where I am now, and I’m going to get outside any time I need a mental breather because these dorms can be TOXIC.
Your best bet in here? Stay to yourself. That’s what they tell you. Keep your head down, mind your business, don’t get involved in other people’s drama.
But here’s the truth that nobody talks about: Staying to yourself for too long is really not healthy at all. Complete isolation will break your spirit faster than any punishment they can hand down. We’re social creatures by nature. We need connection, community, understanding, and genuine human interaction to survive—not just physically, but mentally and emotionally.
The balance incarcerated women must strike:
- Protecting your peace vs. staying connected
- Guarding your energy vs. allowing the right people in
- Maintaining boundaries vs. avoiding complete isolation
- Self-preservation vs. community participation
How to Choose Positive Friends: Lessons for the Free World
If you’re out in the free world reading this—and I pray that you are because nobody deserves to experience incarceration—there are many different ways to find a positive social circle of friends. We’re aiming for 100% positivity here, but let’s be realistic: We also need friends who can give us constructive criticism and who will hold us accountable when we need it.
Real friends should be leading you into your light and purpose.
If your circle is making you feel like your accomplishments are bragging, or if they’re treating your wins as “less than” what YOU know them to be, it’s time to change up your circle, sis. No negotiations. Your energy is too valuable to waste on people who can’t celebrate your growth.
Biblical Wisdom on Choosing Friends
The Bible puts it perfectly in Proverbs 22:24-25: “Don’t befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people, or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul.”
Read that again. Slowly. Let it sink in.
You become like the people you surround yourself with. Their habits become your habits. Their mindset influences your mindset. Their energy affects your energy. Choose wisely.
A Mother’s Perspective on Community and Friendship
As a mother of two, this lesson weighs even heavier on my heart. My children are watching who I become through this experience. They’re learning what it means to fall down and get back up. They’re seeing whether I choose bitterness or growth, whether I surround myself with negativity or seek out light.
What I want my children to learn about friendship:
- Circumstances don’t define character—choices do
- Being alone is better than being in bad company
- Discern genuine connection from toxic relationships
- Your circle should elevate you, not tear you down
- Quality over quantity always wins
I want them to see their mama rising from the ashes, becoming stronger, wiser, and more intentional about every aspect of her life—including friendship. This is part of my journey as an incarcerated mother—teaching through example even from behind bars.
Best Coping Strategies for Prison: Finding Your Positive Outlet
So let me ask you this: What’s YOUR positive outlet? What’s that one activity that makes you say, “I’m not feeling right, let me go do XYZ and reset”?
My Personal Mental Health Routine in Prison
For me, my positive outlet is going for a stroll outside and getting some fresh air while praying as I walk. Just talking to my main man GODDIE Almighty (yes, that’s what I call Him—we’re close like that). Having real, honest conversations about life, about purpose, about getting through another day with grace and dignity intact.
When outdoor time isn’t available:
- I plug in my headphones to my tablet
- Find upbeat music to shift my energy
- Allow positive frequencies to replace negativity
- Use music as a mental escape and emotional release
Music has been a lifeline for me. It transports me beyond this place, connects me to memories of freedom, and gives me hope for the future. Whether it’s gospel that feeds my soul, Afrobeat that moves my body, or R&B that validates my emotions—music reminds me that I’m still fully human.
Recommended Positive Outlets for Women in Prison
Physical activities:
- Walking or jogging
- Workout classes
- Yoga or stretching
- Sports (basketball, volleyball)
- Dance
Creative outlets:
- Writing (journaling, poetry, letters)
- Drawing or painting
- Crafts and handmade items
- Music (listening or creating)
Spiritual practices:
- Prayer and meditation
- Bible study or religious services
- Gratitude journaling
- Mindfulness exercises
Social connection:
- Support groups
- Educational classes
- Mentorship programs
- Book clubs
What Incarceration Has Taught Me About Community
Through this journey of incarceration, I’ve learned some hard truths about authentic community and genuine friendship:
1. Community isn’t about quantity—it’s about quality. You don’t need a hundred friends. You need two or three genuine souls who see you, support you, and challenge you to be better.
2. Community requires discernment. Not everyone who smiles at you has your best interest at heart. Pay attention to patterns, not promises.
3. Community takes effort. Even in the free world, genuine connection doesn’t just happen. You have to be intentional, vulnerable, and willing to show up consistently.
4. Community can exist anywhere. Even in the most unlikely, uncomfortable places, human connection is possible if you’re open to it.
5. Community reflects who you’re becoming. Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future. That’s not just a cute saying—it’s truth.
The Message I Want to Leave You With
Whether you’re physically incarcerated like me, or mentally and emotionally imprisoned by circumstances in the free world, we ALL need community. We need people who get it, who see us, who remind us of our worth when we forget.
But we also need to be selective. We need to audit our circles regularly. We need to ask ourselves hard questions:
- Are these people leading me toward my purpose or pulling me away from it?
- Is this relationship adding to my life or draining from it?
- Am I better because of this connection or worse?
Prison walls might confine my body, but they don’t define my spirit, my purpose, or my capacity for joy. I refuse to give this place that much power. And whatever walls you’re facing—whether they’re made of concrete like mine or constructed by fear, doubt, trauma, or bad relationships—they don’t have to define you either.
You are UNAPOLOGETICALLY UNIQUE, empress. You are worthy of authentic connection. You deserve a circle that celebrates your growth. You have every right to protect your peace while still opening yourself to genuine community.
Don’t forget that.
Let’s Have a Real Conversation: Share Your Story
Now I want to hear from YOU. This isn’t just me talking at you—this is a conversation, a community we’re building together.
Drop your thoughts in the comments:
- What’s your go-to positive outlet when life gets overwhelming? Working out? Journaling? Music? Prayer? Talking to your bestie? Something else entirely?
- Have you ever had to “audit” your friend circle? What were the red flags that made you realize it was time for a change? How did you handle it?
- For anyone who’s felt trapped—physically, mentally, or emotionally: What strategies helped you find moments of freedom and joy despite your circumstances?
- Are you good at reading energy? Do you pick up on vibes easily, or are you still learning to trust your gut about people and situations?
- What’s one small thing you could do TODAY to surround yourself with more positivity and authentic connection?
Don’t just read and leave—let’s build something here. Your story might be exactly what someone else needs to read today. Your wisdom might give someone the courage to make a necessary change. Your honesty might help someone feel less alone.
Your next read: Art of Evolution: Growing and Becoming Your Best Self