A Letter to My Father – By Phoenix Rising
Hey Empresses,
Today I’m sharing something deeply personal with you all—a letter to my father. I’m doing this because I’ve learned that healing doesn’t happen in silence, and maybe my truth will help you find yours. So here it is, straight from my heart to his:
Dear Dad,
Thank you for being a wonderful and loving support system throughout this journey of incarceration. We’ve always been close because you raised me the first few years of my childhood, and it was terrific. The moment I went to stay with my mom, I was okay because I thought it was just another summer vacation. However, one month turned into two, and the next thing I knew, I was being enrolled in a strange school.
The only thing that was rolling through my head was confusion and abandonment. You left me without explanation, and you never left me anywhere, especially not by myself. So I was like, “Wow, my dad just dumped me here and my mom is clearly avoiding me… What is wrong with me?” I felt like a defective toy.
Fast forward to my teenage years, and I continued searching for the love that you had shown me growing up in all the wrong places. I knew that if my mom knew about what I was doing, you would also, but my response was to avoid you now. I had it embedded in my mind that if my dad were so concerned about me, he wouldn’t have abandoned me. In reality, that was just an excuse, because I was ashamed to face you, knowing this wasn’t the girl you raised.
I would rather ignore your constant calls and messages because I was scared of you disowning me as your daughter more than anything. Now, as I am 26 years old and incarcerated, a mother of two, and seeing how much you care for me when I am at my lowest, I know that if I had just
dialed your number, you would have explained to me why the move had to happen. You also would have guided me down the right path, and some of the emotional and physical abuse that I endured could have been avoided, instead of assuming you didn’t care.
I know you and my mom beat yourselves up daily because you feel as though you failed as parents, but I’m here now to tell you that you both did THE BEST YOU COULD. You both
extended the olive branch as far as my self-inflicting firewall would allow you to go without you guys being damaged in the process.
I thank you so much for being a wonderful father. I love our renewed bond. I love you, Dad.
To My Empresses: Let’s Talk Real Talk
I’m sharing this with you because I know I’m not the only one carrying this story. How many of us have let pride, shame, or assumptions block us from the love that was always there? How many years did we waste running from conversations we needed to have?
Everyone knows that “daddy’s girls” will always be a title we carry up until we have grey hair. So here’s what I want to tell you, ladies: Appreciate your fathers while they are still here.
If you’ve never met him, try to get to know him for yourself. Find HIS truth, not what others are telling you. You might just avoid dealing with and enduring unnecessary trauma and heartache from men who might not have your best interest at heart.
And if your father disowned you? There is a father who art in heaven—SAY IT WITH ME GODDIEEEE!—who will happily accept you as His daughter in Christ.
THE PHOENIX FATHER’S CHALLENGE
Empresses, I’m challenging each and every one of you to join me in this healing work. Here’s what I want you to do:
Write a letter to your father—biological, stepfather, or father figure.
In your letter, I want you to include:
✨ THE GOOD STUFF – What positive things has he given you? What lessons? What memories do you treasure? How has he helped shape the woman you are today?
✨ THE REAL STUFF – Is there hurt that needs to be acknowledged? Pain that needs to be spoken? Be honest, but remember we’re focusing on healing and growth.
✨ THE GRATITUDE – Even in the mess, even in the mistakes, what can you thank him for?
You don’t have to send it if you’re not ready. Sometimes writing it is the first step. Sometimes the healing is just for you. But I promise you, getting those words out of your head and onto paper is powerful.
And here’s the real truth I learned:
My assumptions stole years from me
Years I could have had guidance. Years I could have avoided pain. Years I could have known I was loved. Don’t let your assumptions steal your years too.
The Bottom Line
I’m 26 years old, incarcerated, and a mother of two beautiful babies. I can’t get back the years I lost running from my father’s love. But I can make sure that from this day forward, I choose honesty over hiding, truth over assumptions, and healing over hurt.
That’s what this journey is about, Empresses. We’re not perfect. We’re not pretending to be. But we ARE choosing to grow, to heal, and to break the cycles that broke us.
So take the challenge. Write the letter. Start the healing.
Empress, peace be with you all on this journey.
Phoenix Rising is sharing her journey of growth, healing, and transformation while incarcerated. Follow along as she rises from the ashes and invites you to rise with her.