A Letter in a Bottle – Pheonix Rising
Dear Phoenix,
Guess what I found out a couple of days ago? I’m having a girl—just as you predicted!
Remember how I kept saying I was going to sleep until the day of the appointment because I was so anxious? Well, the day finally came. I asked the nurse during med pass, “What time is my appointment?” with a smile. She gave me an awkward look and said, “It’s scheduled for today, but it doesn’t say a time,” handed me my meds, and looked away. The nurse was probably thinking, “I see where this is going,” and said “NEXT” aloud when she saw my smile fade. She knew she’d burst my bubble, and she knew exactly where I was going with it!
Anyway, about two hours later, I was called for outside medical. The officer said, “Ms. Q, do you want to go to medical?” I jumped up and said, “Yes! I was ready like yesterday. Let’s go!”
When that cold ultrasound gel hit my belly, it was as though my heart was beating out of my chest. The walk from the dorm to medical did not help me at all. My mind was racing with questions: What if it’s another boy? What if my baby is stubborn like me and won’t budge, so we can find out if it has a tutu or a pee-pee? Oh my gosh, what if she is bald? Come on, that last question is every mom’s fear.
But then the doctor put the ultrasound scanner on my belly, and I SAW HER. For the first time in a long time, I saw my beautiful baby on that black-and-white screen. She was just there, sucking on her thumb, just chilling with no care or worry in the world. That’s exactly how I want her to be when she is born and as she grows up.
As I mentioned before, I am a mother of three boys and now a princess who will look up to me as her Queen and her role model. The moment the doctor said, “It’s a girl,” a warm tingling started happening on the left side of my chest. I realized then that this was the missing piece in my life being filled. That anger and pain I was carrying all my life were instantly filled with hope for a fresh and better future—love, joy, and compassion through this tiny blessing that Goddie Almighty has provided me with.
The concept reminds me of the timeless idea of a Message in a Bottle—a symbol of hope cast into the unknown.
Since meeting you and becoming your bunkie, you have shown me what it’s like to find light in a dark place. You’ve introduced me to Goddie, and I never thought I would have ever been open to even hearing about His goodness after what happened years ago. You sat next to me, looked me in the eye, and said, “I want to start expanding and sharing stories of other women in here.” I hesitated, but I said it anyway: “I have a powerful story, but I don’t know how to write it.” You instantly said you could guide me and help me, and you wouldn’t let up until I agreed. Thank you also for helping me write my story.
Before we really got to know each other, you said, “Mark my words, you’re pregnant with a baby girl, and she will be the one who Goddie sends to save you.” You’re such a fantastic friend, and Goddie will do many things in your life.
Thank you, Phoenix, for seeing me—not as someone who is damaged and no good, but for who Goddie told you I am.
I am Q. Jackson: Mother, Warrior, Survivor, Overcomer, a Queen, and Goddie’s daughter.
With all my love and gratitude,
Lady Q