Exhibiting Forgiveness | By Ruth “Phonix Rising” Moise
Have you ever carried the weight of hurt so heavy that it felt like chains wrapped around your heart? Have you replayed painful moments over and over in your mind, unable to escape the prison of your own emotions? Today, I want to talk to you about something that has transformed my life during my darkest hours exhibiting forgiveness and the journey to emotional healing.
What Does It Mean to Exhibit Forgiveness?
Exhibiting forgiveness is more than just understanding what forgiveness means intellectually. It’s about putting forgiveness into practice and achieving mental health and wellness. It’s about taking that knowledge and applying it to your life in real, tangible ways through self-care and emotional healing.
You’ve probably heard the phrase “let go and let God.” That’s essentially what exhibiting forgiveness is all about a powerful mindfulness practice and spiritual healing technique.
When we exhibit forgiveness, we’re releasing all that bitter energy and negative emotion feelings tied to situations we cannot change. We’re literally taking the hurt from inside ourselves, examining it honestly through self-reflection and personal growth, and then making a conscious decision to release it. It means telling yourself, “I am sorry for letting myself go through that,” giving it to God, and letting Him deal with that person or situation. We’re taking it off our conscience because the past is the past.
Here’s a truth we all need to accept in our healing journey: We can’t go back and change what happened to us. We can’t even change what happened two seconds ago. We can’t delete that message we just sent. We can’t undo certain actions. We cannot change certain things, no matter how badly we wish we could.
The Power of Moving Forward | Personal Development and Growth
Exhibiting forgiveness is us basically telling ourselves, “Okay, we know what happened. We can’t change it, but I want to move on from it. I want to go to the next step.” It’s deciding that we don’t want to be consumed by anger anymore through emotional intelligence and mental strength. We don’t want to gain extra wrinkles on our faces because of something we can’t change.
But let me be clear about something crucial: Forgiveness is NOT condoning what the person did or pretending the situation was okay. When you forgive, you’re not saying, “Oh, it’s fine that you did that to me.” You’re not excusing their behavior or minimizing your pain through toxic positivity. What you’re saying is, “That is the past.” You’re acknowledging what happened while refusing to let it continue to control your present and future that’s true empowerment.
Understanding Hurt People Hurt People | Trauma and Healing
One of the most important realizations on my forgiveness journey and trauma recovery has been understanding this simple truth: hurt people hurt people. Sometimes when people are hurt, they lash out at others who have nothing to do with their pain. Trust me on this if you can look back at all the times you probably hurt somebody and examine what was going on in your life at that moment through self-awareness, you’ll likely see a pattern.
You were probably really hurt yourself. You didn’t care about that person or situation because at that moment in time, it was you against the world. Everything felt bad, and you were taking it out on someone who had nothing to do with your pain a classic sign of unhealed trauma and the need for emotional regulation.
Now, I’m not saying this excuses everyone’s behavior in the realm of accountability and personal responsibility. There are some people who are just cruel and evil those are the ones we have to leave for God to deal with. But for many situations, understanding this dynamic can help us find our way to forgiveness through compassion and empathy.
My Story: A Father’s Choice and a Daughter’s Pain
Let me share a deeply personal example from my own life that illustrates what exhibiting forgiveness truly means in the context of family relationships and healing from betrayal.
When I was about eighteen years old, an incident occurred between me and my stepmother that led me to leave my father’s house. In my vulnerability and desperation, I went back to my child’s father. Shortly after, he hit me for the first time while I was pregnant with my daughter a painful chapter in my story of overcoming domestic violence and surviving abuse.
The fear and pain I felt in that moment were overwhelming. I needed help. I needed safety. I needed my father.
I called my dad and told him what had happened. I said, “Hey, Dad, so-and-so put his hands on me. Can I please come back to your house?” I needed him to be my protector, my safe haven. But his response shattered something inside me.
His first words were, “Oh, I have to ask my wife first.”
Can you imagine that? Your biological father, the one who raised you, the one who is supposed to protect you above all else, tells you that he hears what you’re saying that you’ve been hurt, that you’re pregnant and in danger but he has to consult with his wife first. Not even his wife in general, but your stepmother, the very person you’d had the conflict with that forced you to leave in the first place. This moment tested everything I knew about family trauma and forgiveness.
That hurt cut deeper than I can fully express. It felt like betrayal from a parent, abandonment from the one person who should have been there unconditionally. I told him, “You know what, don’t worry about it. Don’t worry about it.” And I hung up the phone.
The pain was so intense that I cut off all contact with my father. For maybe two years, I did not speak to him. I told my mom not to tell him where I lived, what was going on in my life, or give him my phone number. Nothing. I wanted him to feel the absence of me in his life the way I felt the absence of his protection in mine this was my way of setting boundaries and protecting my mental health.
The Turning Point | Breaking Free from Resentment
It took a significant incident for my father to realize what I had been going through in that relationship. He finally understood why I had called him, why I had begged to get out of that situation, why I had told him I was going through so much and needed help. It took him seeing the full scope of consequences to realize that maybe, just maybe, if he had told my stepmother, “You know what, forget whatever happened between you and Ruth, I’m going to bring her back,” all of this could have been avoided.
I believe he carries that guilt and regret with him to this day. The weight of knowing that his decision to prioritize consulting his wife over immediately protecting his pregnant daughter had far-reaching consequences must be heavy a lesson in parental accountability.
The Freedom of Forgiveness | How to Forgive Someone Who Hurt You
But here’s where exhibiting forgiveness comes in and demonstrates true emotional freedom: To this day, it’s okay. I forgave my father. I forgave the whole situation. I told him, “You know what? You don’t need to beat yourself up for it.”
Why? Because holding onto anger and hurt wasn’t hurting him it was hurting me. And also because I could see that without that painful journey, I wouldn’t be who I am today through my personal transformation. If I had left while I was pregnant, I wouldn’t have my son, Angel. I wouldn’t have learned the things that I’ve learned. And yes, I wouldn’t be incarcerated that’s true. But the lessons I’m learning while being here, the growth through adversity I’m experiencing, the person I’m becoming none of that would have happened either.
So I keep showing him the good that came out of a situation he couldn’t save me from through positive reframing and finding meaning in suffering. Does that mean he forgives himself? Maybe, maybe not. I don’t think he has fully forgiven himself. But I forgave him, and that’s what matters for my peace and freedom.
Today, I call him every morning and every night. I keep that relationship going with him. That is exhibiting forgiveness in action not just saying the words, but living them out, maintaining connection despite past hurt, choosing love over bitterness and demonstrating unconditional forgiveness.
The Strength in Forgiveness | Why Forgiveness is Self-Care
I want you to understand something critical about the power of forgiveness: Forgiveness is possible. Forgiveness is NOT weakness it is strength. Real strength. It takes courage to look at your pain, acknowledge it, and then choose to release it through radical acceptance. It’s easier to hold grudges, to stay angry, to let bitterness consume you. That’s the path of least resistance.
Forgiveness is for yourself, not for the person who hurt you this is the ultimate self-love practice and healing strategy. Whether they know they hurt you or not, whether they care or not, whether they apologize or not your forgiveness is about you. It’s about releasing yourself from something that has trapped you in a cage of your own making and achieving emotional liberation.
Moving Forward | Inspirational Stories of Overcoming
I’m writing this from a place you might not expect wisdom to come from from behind bars, from a place where I’m paying the consequences for mistakes I made in my past. I’ve acknowledged those mistakes through accountability and personal responsibility. I own them. But I refuse to let them define my future or keep me imprisoned mentally and emotionally, even while I’m physically incarcerated this is my comeback story and journey of resilience.
If I can find forgiveness here, in this place, for the deepest hurts of my life, then you can find it too. Whatever you’re holding onto, whatever anger is eating away at you, whatever hurt is keeping you up at night you have the power to let it go and begin your healing process.
Exhibiting forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting through toxic forgiveness. It doesn’t mean pretending nothing happened. It means remembering without rage. It means acknowledging without agony. It means moving forward without the weight of the past dragging you down true emotional maturity and spiritual growth.
Your Journey Starts Now | Steps to Forgive and Heal
Today, I encourage you to identify one hurt you’ve been carrying through this forgiveness exercise. Examine it through mindful reflection. Feel it one last time. Then make the conscious decision to exhibit forgiveness to let it go and let God handle it. You deserve the freedom that comes with forgiveness. You deserve peace and mental wellness.
Remember, you are stronger than your circumstances. You are greater than your past. And you have the powerwithin you to rise like a phoenix from the ashes of hurt into something beautiful, strong, and free through your own transformation story.
That’s why I call myself Phonix Rising. Because no matter how many times life has knocked me down, no matter how hot the flames have burned, I keep rising through perseverance and determination. And so can you on your journey of overcoming adversity.
Your next read: Breaking Free Prison: How One Woman Can Save Mothers