Breaking Free – By Phoenix Rising
Happy New Year, and welcome back to Unapologetically Caged! As we step into 2025, I want to take a moment to reflect on the challenges, growth, and transformative power of forgiveness that shaped my journey over this past year. My name is Ruth Phoenix Rising Movies, I’m 27 years old, a mother of two beautiful children, and I’m currently incarcerated. But more importantly, I’m a woman who has learned that true freedom starts from within.
The Challenges That Tested Me in 2025
This year brought its fair share of obstacles challenges that threatened to derail my progress both physically and emotionally. Like many of you, I set goals for myself, determined to become better, stronger, and more whole. But life has a way of testing our resolve, doesn’t it?
My biggest challenge? My loyal, naive heart and mind. I’ve always been the type of person who wants to see the good in people. I believe in second chances, in the power of connection, and in the possibility that people can change. More often than not, this beautiful quality of mine backfires spectacularly.
Navigating Toxic Relationships and Professional Manipulators
The community I currently live in is filled with professional manipulators people who only care about themselves and what they can extract from you. It took me far too long to see situations for what they really were: distractions keeping me from my purpose and my peace.
In environments like this, where everyone seems to be looking out for themselves first, it’s incredibly difficult to discern who’s genuine and who’s wearing a mask. These individuals are skilled liars, expert manipulators who can make you question your own perception of reality. When you’re searching for connection, for someone to talk to, for genuine friendship, it’s easy to fall prey to wolves in sheep’s clothing.
But here’s what I learned: “Sometimes the friendships we think we need are actually the chains holding us back.”
The Turning Point: Throwing Distractions in the Trash
Once I finally recognized these toxic relationships for what they were and made the difficult decision to cut them loose, everything changed. I won’t lie dissolving bonds and friendships hurts. It’s painful to accept that someone you trusted wasn’t who you thought they were. But the good that comes from removing toxic people from your life far outweighs the temporary discomfort of letting them go.
After I cleared out these distractions and toxic friendships, miraculous things started happening:
– My appeal was granted
– I went to court and found victory
– I published my first book, Unapologetically Caged
– Most importantly, I started the journey of forgiving myself
The Weight of Unresolved Trauma
For years, I carried unresolved issues related to my children’s biological father. The pain I felt was internal, yes, but it was so powerful that it seeped through my pores, bleeding toxic fumes into every aspect of my personal life. This unprocessed grief and anger showed up in how I treated my children and, more importantly, in how I treated the incredible man who has stood by me since 2020 when my case first started.
My now-husband has been with me through it all. He was present during my pregnancy with my son, watching as my mother and I navigated those challenging nine months. He witnessed my daily struggle going to school for my professional cosmetology training Monday through Friday with puffy red eyes, forcing smiles that were the best “fake it till you make it” performance I’d ever put on.
The Mask I Wore While Drowning
I carried a thick exterior, acting like everything was fine while my baby kicked and rolled inside me, reminding me of decisions I’d made and choices I couldn’t take back. After school each day, I’d stop at various restaurants, eating my feelings while my baby moved, a constant reminder of the complexity of my situation. Then I’d head to the beach, seeking solace, talking to God, talking to Angelo (my deceased loved one), searching for peace that seemed just out of reach.
But the truth? I was drowning in grief. Instead of facing it head-on, I allowed it to swallow me whole like quicksand. Nothing was keeping me afloat not even my own children, who were merely specks of light in the midst of overwhelming darkness.
You hear people say their children are rays of sunshine that brighten their day. For me, it was the opposite, and that reality was crushing. When I looked at my daughter, all I saw was guilt staring back at me. When my son kicked, it felt like knocks of sadness, reminding me of everything I was struggling to process.
The Monster Within and the Day Everything Changed
There was a day a day that transformed me, a day I’ll never forget precisely because I can’t fully remember it. It was a day when the lioness in me kicked in, when the monster I hoped would never have to emerge came forward to protect her young. That day was filled with mixed emotions I’d never experienced before.
It took five years for me to truly understand what had happened and to recognize that through it all, two children were given a chance at life from birth. “That’s what happens when you finally open the door to forgiveness.”
When you stop resisting and start welcoming forgiveness not for others, but for yourself you begin to look at your situation with new eyes. The specks of uncertainty, resentment, guilt, and shame can finally be cleared away. You can slowly start to become unapologetic about who you are and your current circumstances.
Six Years of Healing: The Man Who Stood By Me
My husband helped me through six long years as I wrestled with unresolved issues, suppression, and constantly searched for closure in a situation that had reached its end. I drowned myself in alcohol and attempted to numb the pain, trying desperately to keep myself from thinking about specific dates and events that haunted me. My mind would recreate scenarios, playing them over and over until I thought I was losing my sanity.
It wasn’t until 2024 that I finally said, “Enough is enough.” I realized that my children were coming into their own, developing their own understanding of the world, and the closure I was desperately seeking could only be provided by God. So I made the conscious decision to let go and let God handle it for me.
But here’s the hardest truth I had to face: “I was making an amazing man compete with a dead man, and that wasn’t fair or right.”
The Excuses We Tell Ourselves
I constantly used excuses to keep my husband at arm’s length: “I never properly grieved Angelo,” or “I’m not ready for a relationship.” But the reality was that I wanted to isolate myself, which is incredibly unhealthy and would have potentially led me back to destructive coping mechanisms and old habits.
Understanding True Forgiveness
After years of struggling, I finally understood what forgiveness actually means. “Forgiveness is deliberately choosing to release resentment, bitterness, and the desire for revenge toward someone who has harmed you including yourself.” It also means accepting responsibility for your own actions and releasing the burden of guilt and shame that’s been weighing you down.
This definition changed everything for me.
After about six months of constant work and I mean daily, intentional effort releasing my past and accepting my present life, I was finally able to move forward and truly love myself, my husband, and my children in the way they deserved.
I realized what had been keeping my life sour and bitter: the anger I carried with me everywhere I went. And if I wanted my life to be sweet again, that change had to start with me.
The Mental Prison We Create
Ladies, let me tell you something crucial: “Forgiveness is not for the other person. Forgiveness is for yourself.”
Forgiveness is what releases you from the mental cage you’ve locked yourself in the one that keeps you replaying situations over and over, stuck in an emotional time loop. You stay trapped because you won’t release it, you won’t let go of the situation, you won’t simply acknowledge that it’s okay to not be okay.
It’s okay to admit that what happened wasn’t right and that it hurt you deeply. Even if the other person doesn’t realize or acknowledge the pain they caused, you can recognize it. You have the power to take the necessary steps and proper precautions to heal from that situation and put measures in place to prevent it from happening again.
Incarceration Beyond Physical Bars
Trauma is incarceration. It’s not just a literal term confined to physical imprisonment. Incarceration can be emotional, mental, and spiritual. When we carry unprocessed trauma, unforgiveness, and unhealed wounds, we’re locked in cages of our own making and these invisible bars can be even more restrictive than physical ones.
I wrote ‘The 30 Days Forgiveness Challenge for Incarcerated Women’ not just for women who are physically behind bars, but for all women who are emotionally, mentally, and spiritually incarcerated. Because at the end of the day, we all experience forms of bondage that keep us from living fully and freely.
Moving Forward: The 30-Day Forgiveness Challenge
As we embark on this new year this 26th year, this year of jubilee I’m challenging you to join me on a 30-day forgiveness journey. Whether you’re physically incarcerated or trapped by emotional wounds, this challenge is designed to help you:
– Identify the sources of your unforgiveness
– Understand the ways resentment has impacted your relationships
– Learn practical steps for releasing bitterness
– Develop daily practices that promote emotional freedom
– Rebuild your sense of self-worth and purpose
– Create boundaries that protect your peace
– Move forward with hope and intention
Breaking the Cycle
One of the most powerful realizations I’ve had is that unforgiveness creates cycles patterns that repeat across generations and relationships until someone has the courage to break them. By doing this work, by choosing forgiveness even when it’s hard, we’re not just freeing ourselves; we’re breaking chains that might otherwise bind our children and the people we love.
Resources and Support
My book, ‘The 30 Days Forgiveness Challenge for Incarcerated Women’, is available on Amazon. You can search for Ruth Movies’ books to find it. I also offer a two-in-one edition that includes additional content on self-forgiveness because sometimes the person we need to forgive most is ourselves.
For those looking for a loved one who’s physically incarcerated, this book can be a lifeline a roadmap to emotional freedom that transcends physical circumstances.
Join Our Community
I don’t want this to be a one-way conversation. Join our growing community of women who are choosing freedom over bondage, forgiveness over resentment, and hope over despair:
-TikTok: @MelaninEmpressesOvertheWorld
-Instagram: @UnapologeticallyCaged
-Email: unapologeticallycaged@gmail.com
Reach out and let us know what’s going on in your life, what you’d like to see on the blog, and how we can support each other on this journey. Subscribe to stay connected and receive regular encouragement and practical tools for your healing journey.
Final Thoughts: Choose Your Freedom
As we move through 2025, I want to leave you with this powerful truth: “You hold the key to your own freedom.” The door to your emotional, mental, and spiritual prison can only be unlocked from the inside. No one else can do this work for you, but you also don’t have to do it alone.
Forgiveness is a journey, not a destination. There will be days when you feel like you’ve taken ten steps forward, and then something triggers you and you feel like you’re back at square one. That’s normal. That’s part of the process. Be patient with yourself. Extend the same grace to yourself that you’re learning to extend to others.
Remember: It’s not about forgetting what happened or pretending it didn’t hurt. It’s about choosing not to let that hurt define your present and future. It’s about reclaiming your power, your peace, and your purpose.
My Wish for You
As we navigate this year together, I hope nothing but positivity, growth, and genuine peace for each of you. May 2025 be the year you break free from the invisible chains that have held you back. May it be the year you choose yourself, your healing, and your future over the pain of your past.
You deserve freedom. You deserve peace. You deserve to live unapologetically as the fullest, most authentic version of yourself.
Thank you for your support, for joining me on this journey, and for having the courage to do your own healing work. Together, we rise. Together, we heal. Together, we break free.
With love and solidarity,
Ruth Phoenix Rising.
Your next read: Aunts Lesson: Purpose and Perseverance Behind Bars