Missing Milestones – by Phoenix Rising
Hey empresses, today is a bittersweet day for me, so please grab your box of Kleenex tissues as we dive into this Rising Gem! First off, thank you for logging onto Unapologetically Caged—I’m glad that we were at the top of your inspiration list today!
A Long-Awaited Connection
Today I finally had an opportunity to see my beautiful sister and her little minions! I was SO excited. We’d been trying for three days to get this video call to connect, but her dinosaur laptop wouldn’t allow for the proper software to download. I was like, “Ummm, something has to give,” so I found a solution. I asked my hubby to drop off my laptop with my little people tonight.” I was determined to see them because I had a bone to pick with the youngest member, Ms. E4.
She is the cutest little lady ever! She has a personality all her own, where she mean-mugs you for a while before she starts to smile and laugh—at you, not with you, but AT you. It’s okay, though. She screams at her own mom, has been doing it since she was 3 months old, and she’s 7 months old now and still going hard at it!
But here’s the thing that hits me every single time I see these babies on a screen: I am missing yet another child in my life growing up and hitting milestones because of my decisions.
The Weight of Absence
There’s my first niece, my little sister, turning 13 and now becoming a young lady. She’s probably thinking, “Dang, there are so many things I want to talk to my auntie about, but she’s not here.” There will be challenges she faces, and she’ll be looking for guidance. Who’s better to ask about those challenges than someone who’s been through almost every hardship a teen could have?
She has her mother, who tried to keep all those things hidden from me growing up, but curiosity tried to kill this bird. But guess what? This chick has risen like a Phoenix, learning from her mistakes. My niece will NEVER have to go through the things I went through—curious or not—because she has a warrior as a mother and an aunt who won’t let society label her as a criminal, felon, or lost cause.
Tonight, seeing how she kept popping up on the screen, with her long ponytail visible, and hearing her say, “I don’t like how this dress shows my figure. I want to change,” makes me know that she’s growing into a respectable young lady! She always has something smart to say when I call, and I love that she still sees me as her aunt, with whom she can goof around and just be herself.
Celebrating Through Separation
Also, my eldest nephew is preaching in church now and making the family so proud! He stays to himself, plays his video games, and focuses on God. I know that he’s not living for the world and just knowing that I am missing these big milestones in both their lives—such as being baptized and preaching the word of God—makes me reflect on the events that led me to celebrate them on video and through a payphone.
The keyword in what I just said is CELEBRATING. Because if things had gone a different route, I wouldn’t even know about these milestones happening to my sister’s little people. I could be completely disconnected, but instead, I’m fighting every day to stay present in their lives, even from behind these walls.
The Stranger I Never Meant to Be
Another person I know but barely know is E3, my second nephew and third little baby. When he was born, that’s when I was deep in the streets and in my sins. I was already out of the house, just doing things I had no business doing. I was never around him because my mind was always in the clouds. Now he’s eight, going on nine years old, and as everyone was saying hi to me tonight, he didn’t even rush to come to me.
But could we blame him? I’m his auntie, but a stranger at the same time. Everyone has memories of Auntie Nathalie except for him. I robbed him of a dope experience of getting to know the favorite auntie for my own selfish desires. It didn’t register that he didn’t come to the screen because he didn’t know me until later this evening. Now I’m missing more of his childhood because of my incarceration, and that reality cuts deeper than any prison wall.
My Spirit Person
Then there’s my second nephew, who’s my baby daddy’s son—my eldest sister’s only son. She’s my baby daddy because she took my kids in when I caught my case! Anyways, that’s my boy right there! My spirit person. He’s the wild child of all my mom’s grandbabies! He has his own personality, and he’s open and honest with me, and I judge him for it!
Like, nephew, do what makes you happy, as long as you don’t get in trouble along the way, keep it respectful, and stay within your age range. He is the one who needs a lot of guidance, and I was always the one who, if no one else could get through to him, could. I was always one call away when something was up with him, and now that’s been robbed away as well!
Turning Pain into Purpose
But here’s what I’ve learned through this journey of incarceration, through these painful video calls and missed birthdays and celebrations I can only hear about through a phone line: everything happens for a reason. And now I’m just using my experiences to make sure the generation after me is good in all aspects.
My favorite quote is one I created myself: “Healing from the things and people that came before us so that we can guide the ones who are growing after us.” That’s what Phoenix Rising means. It’s not just a name—it’s a mission statement.
I want my nieces and nephews, along with my own children, to know that although I am absent physically, I’m always here in spirit and still accomplishing a lot while I am away. Today, they made me want to push harder because all my experiences were designed to ensure I create a playbook full of cheat codes for them. I want to make sure they play the game of life smarter, outpace society and the system, so they never end up where I am.
The Power of a Warrior Mother
Guess what? With God Almighty and the warrior mom they all have, they are good! The one thing I always tell them is ALWAYS LISTEN TO THEIR MOTHER, because if I had done that, some of the things I went through could have been avoided.
I’m unapologetic about my experiences that I went through as a teen, though, because now I can make sure that my little clan knows what games these little girls and boys be running on each other and what crackhead games we will NOT be playing! I’ve been through the manipulation, the peer pressure, the street life, the choices that seemed exciting in the moment but led to years of consequences. And every single one of those experiences is now ammunition I can give them to protect themselves.
Writing My Legacy from Inside
This is why I write. This is why I’ve authored five books, pouring my heart and truth onto every page. Each book is a piece of my journey, a roadmap for anyone who needs to see that redemption is real, that change is possible, that your past doesn’t have to dictate your future.
When people ask me how I stay motivated behind bars, I tell them about nights like tonight. I tell them about seeing my niece worried about how her dress fits, my nephew, preaching God’s word, and my baby E4 with her fierce personality already shining through at seven months old. I tell them that every word I write, every call I make, every video visit I fight to set up—it all matters.
Breaking the Cycle
Incarceration has a way of teaching you what truly matters. It strips away all the noise, all the distractions, all the lies we tell ourselves about what’s important. And what’s left is the raw truth: family matters. Connection matters. Breaking generational cycles matters.
I don’t want my kids or my nieces and nephews to follow in my footsteps. I want them to learn from my footsteps. I want them to see the detours I took and know exactly which roads to avoid. I want them to understand that the streets don’t love your back, that temporary thrills lead to permanent consequences, that every choice you make today is building the tomorrow you’re going to live in.
A Message to My Empresses
So to all my empresses reading this, whether you’re incarcerated like me, whether you’ve been released and are rebuilding, or whether you’re on the outside trying to stay strong for your loved ones inside—hear me when I say this: your story matters. Your experiences matter. Your pain has purpose.
Don’t let society label you. Don’t let your mistakes define you. Rise up like the Phoenix you are and use your fire to light the way for those coming behind you. Be honest about where you’ve been so you can guide others to where they need to go.
To the young people reading this: listen to your elders. Listen to your parents. Listen to the people who love you enough to tell you the hard truths. We’re not trying to control you—we’re trying to protect you from the paths we walked that led to prison cells, broken families, and missed milestones.
My Commitment
I’m committed to being that voice of truth, that beacon of hope, that living testimony that you can rise from the ashes. Every blog post I write, every book I publish, every video call I take with my family—it’s all part of my purpose. It’s all part of breaking the cycle.
And empresses, I hope you guys enjoyed this moment of raw truth and emotion, because this was a moment when I needed to vent and share an honest feeling that just added fuel to the fire burning inside me. This is what Unapologetically Caged is all about—the truth, the struggle, the growth, and the ultimate rise.
Keep Rising
To my nieces and nephews: Auntie loves you. I’m here in every way that matters, even when I can’t physically be there. Keep being yourselves. Keep growing. Keep listening to your mama. And know that everything I’m going through is creating a blueprint for you to avoid these same mistakes.
To my empresses: keep rising. Keep fighting. Keep believing that your story isn’t over—it’s just being written in a way you never expected. And sometimes the most powerful testimonies come from the darkest places.
Until next time, this is Phoenix Rising, reminding you to stay YOU unapologetically.
Connect with Ruth “Phoenix Rising” Moise:
- Website: UnapologeticallyCaged.com
- Books available on Amazon – Five powerful titles chronicling transformation, redemption, and hope: https://a.co/d/6D7vgoU, https://a.co/d/0qug4Oc, https://a.co/d/it49xUT, https://a.co/d/8Ydi2Hp, https://a.co/d/4mTKIOb
Remember: Your past is your testimony, not your destiny. Rise, empresses, rise.
Your next read: Community Behind Bars: A Mother’s Guide to Friendship