Alien in a Familiar Land – by Pheonix Rising
Hey empresses,
So today is my second day back, and this new me makes me feel as though I’m in a foreign land. I keep transporting from facility to facility, and the energies are entirely different. I don’t know where I belong in this world of incarceration, and it’s very isolating. It’s like I’m speaking a language nobody else understands anymore, or maybe I’m the one who can’t understand theirs. Either way, I’m standing in the middle of something familiar that feels completely alien.
You know what’s wild? I’ve been here before. I know these walls, these routines, these faces that blur together after a while. But something shifted in me, and now I’m looking at everything through different eyes. The old Ruth would’ve just blended in, gone with the flow, accepted this place as her reality. But Phoenix Rising? She doesn’t belong here. Not in the way I used to belong here. And that’s the most isolating feeling in the world.
The Energy Shift
Every facility I move through has its own energy, its own rhythm. Some places are heavy with despair, others buzzing with chaos. This place I’m in now? It’s thick with a fog of intoxication and escapism. Most of the ladies here are in a world of drugs and temporary highs, anything to not feel the weight of where they are and what brought them here. And I get it. God, do I get it. There was a time when I would’ve done anything not to feel the pain, the shame, the crushing reality of being locked away from my babies.
But now I’m on the other side of that. I’ve done the work. I’ve faced my demons, looked my trauma dead in the eye, and chosen healing over hiding. And now I’m watching these beautiful souls around me self-destruct, and my heart is screaming to help them. But here’s where I’m stuck: I don’t know how to approach them without coming off as preachy. Nobody wants to hear from the girl who thinks she’s got it all figured out, you know? Nobody wants the reformed inmate acting like she’s better than everyone else.
But that’s not what this is about. I don’t think I’m better. I know there’s another way. I know because I’m living it.
The Uncomfortable Truth
My goal for my ladies of incarceration is to help them put the drugs down behind the gates and face their problems head-on. I want them to see that the temporary escape isn’t worth the permanent damage it does to their spirit. But how do I say that without sounding judgmental? How do I reach someone who’s drowning when they’re convinced the water is keeping them alive?
I see how they accept abuse from a gender that they aren’t really attracted to just so they can feel whole. Is that fair? It’s not in my eyes. That’s just my opinion. But I watch it happen every single day. Women who’ve been hurt by men on the outside, turning to women on the inside, not because of genuine attraction or connection, but because they’re desperate to feel something other than alone. They’re accepting toxic relationships, abusive dynamics, all the same patterns they ran from in the free world, just with different faces.
These ladies deserve the confidence that they are a person, even behind bars. They deserve to know their worth isn’t determined by their charges, their past, or their current address. But people in the free world make us feel like we’re crap to the point that it pollutes our minds and scars our hearts forever! Society looks at us and sees trash, sees mistakes, sees people who don’t deserve redemption. And after hearing that enough times, we start to believe it. We start treating ourselves like we’re worthless. We start accepting treatment that confirms what we’ve been told about ourselves.
Women Behind Bars
Women are creatures of love and passion. They love hard and hurt harder. Every woman in here has a story of loving someone who didn’t deserve it, of giving everything to someone who gave nothing back, of breaking themselves into pieces trying to fix someone else. We carry our hearts on our sleeves even when our sleeves are prison-issued. We mother everyone around us, even when we can’t mother our own children. We create families behind these walls because connection is survival for us.
But what happens when that connection is toxic? What happens when we’re so starved for love that we’ll take abuse and call it affection? What happens when the very thing we think is keeping us alive is killing us slowly?
I finally have the resources to help them, but now it’s the how? The when? The next step is necessary to put it into practice, but I’m at a loss about what to do next. I’ve written my books. I’ve built my platform. I’ve shared my story with the world through my website and my books available on Amazon. I’ve done the internal work to transform from Ruth to Phoenix Rising. But having the tools and knowing how to use them effectively in this environment are two different things.
The Isolation of Growth
I want to maybe host a women’s conference to gather like-minded people and get the message out! But here’s what I’m realizing: when everyone is on a different wavelength than you, it can be discouraging to wrangle people who aren’t motivated or interested. It’s lonely being the person who wants more when everyone around you has accepted less. It’s hard to stay motivated when you’re surrounded by people who think transformation is impossible or, worse, not even worth trying for.
So, I’m planning something for my ladies, but I need ideas. I need practical ways to bridge this gap. I need strategies for reaching hearts that have been hardened by trauma and rejection. I need to figure out how to plant seeds of hope in soil that’s been salted by society’s judgment.
Breaking Down the Walls Within
The physical walls that surround me are one thing. The walls we build around our hearts. Those are the real prisons. And I’ve learned that you can be locked in a cell and still be free if your mind and spirit are liberated. But you can also be in the free world and be more imprisoned than anyone behind bars if you’re still chained to your trauma, your addiction, your pain.
My message isn’t just for physically incarcerated women. Self-healing and forgiveness need to blossom and flourish all throughout the world. Because the truth is, we’re all incarcerated by something. Some of us are locked up by the abuse we suffered. Some mistakes we made. Some by expectations we can’t meet. Some by identities that don’t fit who we really are. Some by guilt and shame that eat us alive from the inside out.
The bars look different, but the prison is the same.
The Power of Sisterhood
What I know for sure is this: we cannot do this alone. Women heal in community. We rise when we lift each other. Every empress reading this, whether you’re behind bars or behind the facade of having it all together, needs to know that you’re not alone in your struggle. Your pain is valid. Your desire for something more is not foolish. Your hope is not naive.
I’m 27 years old. I’m a mother of two beautiful babies, and I’m fighting to get them back. I’m a survivor of domestic violence who became an advocate for others still trapped in the cycle. I’m an influencer trying to use my platform to speak truth to power. And I’m an inmate who refuses to let these walls define my worth or limit my impact.
But I’m also still figuring it out. I’m still learning. I’m still growing. And I’m still reaching out for a connection with women who understand what it means to rise from ashes.
I Need You
This is where you come in, empresses. I’m turning this blog into something bigger than just my thoughts. I want to hear from YOU. I want this to be interactive, a real conversation where we figure this out together.
Here’s what I need:
What suggestions do you have for reaching women who are resistant to change?
How do we plant seeds of transformation in hearts that have been hardened?
What would a women’s conference behind bars look like to you?
What topics would matter? What would make a difference?
For those who’ve been incarcerated:
What did someone say or do that reached you? What broke through your walls?
For those who’ve never been incarcerated:
What do you wish you understood better about women behind bars? What would help you see us as fully human?
What resources would be most helpful?
Workbooks? Discussion groups? Creative expression? Mentorship?
How do we create safe spaces for authentic healing
when the environment itself is designed to break us down?
Drop your thoughts, ideas, and experiences in the comments. Please share this with someone who needs to see it. Let’s build something together that transforms not just individuals but entire communities of women who’ve been told they don’t deserve better.
The Journey Continues
I don’t have all the answers, empresses. But I have something more powerful: I have hope. I have vision. I have a burning desire to see every woman, regardless of where she is or what she’s done, recognize her inherent worth and claim her power.
I’m Phoenix Rising, not because I’m perfect, but because I refuse to stay in the ashes. And I believe every single one of you has that same fire inside you, even if it’s been reduced to barely glowing embers. We can fan those flames together. We can rise together. We can transform this alien, familiar land into something that serves our healing instead of our destruction.
So, let’s do this. Let’s figure it out together. Let’s create the revolution that starts from within and ripples out to change the world.
Because we are not our mistakes. We are not our charges. We are not the worst thing we’ve ever done. We are empresses, every single one of us. And it’s time we started treating ourselves and each other accordingly.
Unapologetically yours,
Phoenix Rising
Connect with Ruth “Phoenix Rising” Moise:
- Website: unapologeticallycaged.com
- Books: Available on Amazon – Search “Ruth Moise” or “Phoenix Rising”
Join the conversation: Share your thoughts, experiences, and suggestions in the comments below. Together, we rise.
Your next read: Prison Den: A Journey from Sheep to Warrior