Dying to My Flesh – Pheonix Rising
A Birthday Behind Walls — Yet a Peace Beyond Understanding
Hello, my beautiful Empresses of the world. Today is November 15, and I turned 27.
Now, I’m going to start this off honestly, because that’s the only way I know how to talk to you.
This is the third birthday I’ve spent incarcerated.
Three birthdays away from my babies.
Three birthdays without being wrapped in the arms of my loved ones.
Three birthdays without cake, candles, or the chaos of family singing off-key.
And believe it or not… I am at peace.
A deep peace.
A peace that doesn’t make sense on paper.
A peace that doesn’t match my situation.
A peace that didn’t come from my environment… but from my evolution.
See, God woke me up today—not just to mark another year of life, but to announce the completion of my 26th chapter and baby, let me tell you something… Chapter 26 was something serious.
Messy. Painful. Lonely.
But also eye-opening, humbling, and transformative.
For the first time ever on a birthday in here, I didn’t wake up crying.
I didn’t wake up depressed.
I didn’t wake up angry or bitter.
I woke up grateful.
Grateful that God didn’t give up on me.
Grateful that He kept His hand on me even when I was running from Him.
Grateful that even though this is my third birthday behind bars… It’s my first birthday truly awake.
Peace in a Place That Was Meant to Break Me
People always say,
“When someone passes away, they’re finally at peace. They’re in a better place.”
That used to confuse me.
But now?
Now I understand exactly what that means.
Because I died this year.
Not physically.
Not mentally.
But spiritually.
My flesh—the part of me that wanted to do things my way, that old mindset, that old attitude, that stubbornness, that ego, that pain, that anger—she died.
And when she died…
I woke up spiritually.
I became alive in God.
And that peace people say the dead have?
That peace you can’t buy, you can’t fake, and you can’t pretend?
I feel it right now, in here, inside this dorm, behind these walls.
Because I’m no longer living for the world.
I’m no longer chasing what the world says is happiness, success, or purpose.
I’m no longer carrying anxiety like it’s my middle name.
I’m no longer letting depression choke me.
I’m no longer letting fear dictate my decisions.
Anxiety?
That’s a worldly emotion.
Depression?
A worldly feeling.
Confusion?
A worldly mindset.
God has been teaching me that the moment you die to the world, you actually start living.
April 2025 — The Month I Decided I Was Done Running
Let me take y’all back for a minute.
In April 2025, I reached my breaking point.
I told God,
“Listen… I’m tired. I can’t live like this. I can’t pretend like I have control when I don’t. I surrender.”
And do you know what happened?
He took me back—just like the Father He is.
He granted me the appeal.
He moved me to a new facility.
He placed me in a program where I could actually learn, grow, and heal.
He put me in an environment that felt different.
Not perfect, but different.
Spiritually aligned.
Purpose-filled.
Looking back, I realize something powerful:
God wasn’t ready for me to go home in July.
I wanted freedom.
But he wanted transformation.
He wanted completion.
He wanted obedience.
He wanted me to surrender.
God said,
“Daughter, chapter 26 is not done yet. The world still has something I need you to finish before you step into chapter 27.”
So here I am.
Not bitter.
Not confused.
But grateful that He kept me long enough to grow me.
The Birth of My Purpose — Becoming a Published Author
Another thing I have to share—because God is so good—is this:
I am now a published author on Amazon.
Do you know how big that is for me?
A young Black woman.
A Haitian American woman.
A 26-year-old mother.
A woman behind bars.
A woman with a dream and a pen.
And guess what?
God made a way for that dream to become real.
He didn’t wait for me to be in a “perfect situation.”
He didn’t wait for me to be home, on my feet, with everything lined up.
He said,
“I will bless you right here, right now, so you know the power of what I can do.”
And He did.
So yeah, y’all…
This peace I feel?
It’s not coming from my environment.
It’s coming from who I am becoming.
Chapter 27 — A New Me, A New Mind, A New Mission
A lot of people wait until January 1st to start over.
They write down resolutions.
They create lists.
They change for a week and then fall off.
But baby, let me tell you something:
Your new year doesn’t start in January.
Your new year starts the moment you say, “God, I surrender.”
My new year started today.
Not because of confetti.
Not because of fireworks.
Not because of cake and candles.
My new year began because I walked into Chapter 27 reborn.
With clearer vision.
With deeper faith.
With stronger discipline.
With a softer heart.
With a louder purpose.
I see clearer now.
God gave me a crystal eye to see through situations that used to confuse me.
Problems still come.
Trials still show up.
Life still life-ing.
But the difference now is…
I know it’s not my battle. It’s His.
I’m not the soldier.
I’m the assistant.
I’m the helper.
I’m the vessel.
God is the warrior.
And when He says,
“Where is she?”
I step out like,
“Right here Lord… but I’m staying behind You. Handle that.”
Dying to Your Flesh Is the Key to Real Peace
Here is the biggest thing I want you all to take from today’s message:
When your old self dies, your spirit finally comes alive.
When you stop letting your flesh lead you…
When you stop chasing the world’s version of happiness…
When you release the pain, trauma, fear, shame, and pride…
When you say, “God, take it,” and actually mean it…
You experience a peace that doesn’t make sense.
Your old life?
That girl?
That mindset?
That era?
She gets buried.
And you?
You rise.
Just like a phoenix.
Just like me.
Just like every single one of you who is ready.
You Don’t Need a Holiday to Start Over
I don’t want you thinking you need a special date to change.
You don’t need:
• A birthday
• January 1
• A holiday
• A tragedy
• A rock-bottom moment
All you need is a decision.
A quiet moment where you say,
“God, I’m ready. Take me as I am.”
If you do that…
Chapter 24, 23, 22—whatever chapter you’re coming out of—will end.
And God will turn the page to your next season.
The Joy I Feel Today Is Not from Freedom—But From Surrender
Let me keep it real:
My situation hasn’t changed.
I’m still incarcerated.
I’m still away from my babies.
I’m still away from my husband.
I’m still in a place most people would crumble in.
But guess what?
My joy has changed.
My mindset has changed.
My heart beats differently.
My faith stands stronger.
My spirit is lighter.
I don’t feel trapped anymore.
I don’t feel suffocated.
I don’t feel hopeless.
Because peace is not a place—
It’s a posture.
And I’m standing in mine boldly.
If You Want a New Life, You Have to Let Your Old One Die
As I begin chapter 27, I want to leave you with this message:
Make today your new chapter.
Not tomorrow.
Not next week.
Not next month.
Not after the holiday season.
Not once life “calms down.”
Make today the day you surrender.
The day you breathe differently.
The day you walk differently.
The day you stop carrying what God said, He will handle.
The day you die to your flesh.
and rise in your spirit.
Closing Message — From My Heart to Yours
Thank you for tuning in to today’s blog.
Thank you for growing with me.
Thank you for allowing me to speak into your life even while I’m still figuring out mine.
We are evolving together.
We are healing together.
We are becoming together.
So, until next time…
Stay blessed.
Stay growing.
Stay rising.
— Phoenix Rising
Incarcerated, but not defeated.
Separated from the world, but closer to God.
Dying to my flesh but rising in my purpose.