Finding Purpose Behind Bars – By Phoenix Rising
Hey empress, let me tell you how GOOD big G has been to me in the past week. Sometimes God works in mysterious ways, and sometimes those ways are so unexpected that they shake you to your core and rebuild you from the ground up. That’s exactly what happened to me—a 26-year-old mother of two, currently incarcerated, who finally discovered her purpose in the most unlikely of places.
The Divine Revelation
Goddie has finally shown me my purpose in life. Now, I’ll be honest with you—I already knew what my passion was. That spark had been there for years, flickering in the background of my chaotic life. I just wasn’t in the right place at the right time to fully embrace it. What I never could have imagined was that the “right time” would come 13 years after that initial spark of interest first ignited in my soul. And the “right place”? A state penitentiary, complete with a DOC number that has become part of my identity.
Let that sink in for a moment. Prison. The place society writes people off. The place where dreams are supposed to go to die. That’s where God chose to reveal my calling to me. That’s where He decided I was finally ready to receive the message He’d been trying to send me for over a decade.
Stepping Stones Disguised as Obstacles
Looking back now with clearer eyes and a transformed heart, I can see that all the things I endured—all those moments that felt like I was drowning, like I couldn’t catch my breath, like life was determined to break me—those were merely stepping stones onto the path to redemption. Every fall, every failure, every moment of absolute rock bottom was preparing me for this moment of clarity.
The behavioral hospitals where I was constantly getting Baker Acted became some of the most transformative places in my journey. It was there that I got to witness what real love and compassion felt like for the first time in my life. I was finally receiving mental health care from people who actually listened. I was finally being heard by professionals who really cared and understood what I was going through. They didn’t just write me off as another “problem case” or dismiss my pain as attention-seeking behavior. They helped guide me through my crisis with genuine concern and expertise.
The doctors, therapists, nurses, and staff treated each of us with love and as individuals—not as “crazy” psych patients to be managed and medicated into submission. We had a daytime nurse named Ms. Kim, and let me tell you, her patience level was through the roof in the best way possible. She had an open desk policy, and trust me, being the youth unit, we used it to our full advantage. We tested that woman’s patience daily, and she never once made us feel like we were burdens or nuisances. She showed up for us, day after day, with the same gentle strength and unwavering compassion.
The Fruits of the Spirit
That’s when I first learned about the key to it all—possessing the 10 fruits of the Spirit: Kindness, compassion, patience, love, joy, peace, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These fruits can be found in Galatians 5:22-23 (not 6:22, but the message is what matters).
Of course, in those days of my youth, I embodied none of those things. I mean, I knew that I had a few qualities buried somewhere deep inside—I had compassion towards people and lots of love to give. But here’s the thing: I was handing it all to the wrong people. I was pouring from an empty cup into vessels that had holes in the bottom. I was kind to the wrong people out of fear of judgment and rejection, which stole my overall joy, peace, and gentleness. Eventually, this pattern made me quick to anger and constantly losing my self-control.
For over 10 years, I allowed the devil to turn my mind into his personal playground. He had me twisted up, confused, hurting, and lashing out at everything and everyone around me. I was my own worst enemy, but I couldn’t see it through the fog of pain, anger, and misdirection.
The Wake-Up Call in Solitary
It took me going to prison and making many—and I mean MANY—trips to confinement to finally reflect on my life. Sitting in that cold, isolated cell, with nothing but my thoughts and four walls, I had to ask myself the hard questions: “What is my life coming to? What am I doing with myself? Is this really who I want to be?”
Those nights in solitude, where it was just Goddie and I—those moments where things get real, real. If you know, you know. There’s something about being completely alone, stripped of all distractions, all excuses, all the noise of the world, that forces you to confront the truth about yourself. You can’t run from your reflection when there’s nowhere left to hide.
Most of my trips to confinement were always due to trying to stand up to authority, which obviously showed that I didn’t learn my lesson from all those years prior to my incarceration. I had a problem with being told what to do, with feeling controlled, with authority figures in general. And prison? Well, that’s basically authority and structure 24/7. It was the perfect storm for someone like me who hadn’t yet learned the difference between righteous rebellion and self-destructive defiance.
The Breaking Point
April of 2025 was the last straw with myself and my anger. I let something so small, so insignificant in the grand scheme of things, make me lash out to the point where I fought again. I put my hands on someone and ended up right back in confinement, staring at those same four walls, asking the same questions, but this time with a snotty-nose, desperate prayer: “Why am I just sitting here? Why me??”
And you know what? Goddie answered that prayer with a dry, straightforward response that cut through all my excuses and self-pity: “Ummmm you, you did this to yourself.”
I’m like, “Well dang, just like that?” No sugar-coating, no gentle reassurance, just the unvarnished truth I needed to hear.
Goddie said, “Uhhhh yeah, you let the devil provoke you to the point that you put your hands on someone. Was the last time not enough?”
Ouch. But also? Absolutely necessary.
Surrender and Transformation
Hey, let me tell you—I repented right there and surrendered my life over to Jesus Christ and Goddie because, yeah, no, I was too deep in my sins. I was drowning in patterns I couldn’t break, in anger I couldn’t control, in a life I didn’t recognize anymore. The devil had me so sidetracked that I was slacking on my college courses and my writings—the very things that brought me joy and purpose. I was even neglecting my husband and kids because my attention was elsewhere, consumed by negativity, anger, and the toxic environment I’d created for myself.
Goddie wasn’t pleased with my environment, so He shifted it in a way that gave Him my full, undivided attention. Sometimes God has to remove us from situations we refuse to leave on our own. Sometimes He has to close doors we keep trying to force open. Sometimes He has to put us in a position where we have no choice but to look up because there’s nowhere else to look.
Preparation for Purpose
My last three weeks in prison before my current situation prepped me in ways I never expected, and I have Sgt. T to thank for that. He remembered the dream I had shared with him months earlier—my desire to encourage and empower women. He saw something in me that I was still struggling to see in myself. So he had me leading his motivational classes, giving me a platform to practice the calling God had placed on my heart.
The first week he chose me, I was shaking in my boots. My hands trembled, my voice wavered, and my confidence was nowhere to be found. But I went up there anyways because sometimes faith means doing it scared.
Usually in “Quotes of the Day,” we would sit down to say our quotes and define them in a comfortable, low-pressure setting. But that day was different. That day, Sgt. T called me up in front of everyone and said, “Ms. Phoenix will go ahead and open up Quotes of the Day and break it down for us.”
My heart dropped to my stomach. I was scared at first, terrified even. But I took a breath, said a quick prayer, and did what I had to do.
“Hey everybody, my name is Phoenix, and I guess I’ll be opening up Quotes of the Day for us today.” My voice was shaky but growing stronger with each word. “Quotes of the Day is a motivational group where we come together to inspire and uplift each other, to remind ourselves that we’re more than our mistakes, more than our circumstances, more than the labels society has placed on us.”
And something amazing happened in that moment—I felt the fear start to melt away. I felt God working through me, using my story, my pain, my transformation to reach other women who needed to hear that change is possible. That redemption is real. That it’s never too late to become who God created you to be.
The Bigger Picture
Now I understand why I had to walk through fire to find my purpose. Now I see why God waited until I was broken, humbled, and desperate before revealing His plan. Because if I had found this calling when I was younger, more arrogant, less refined by struggle, I wouldn’t have had the depth, the empathy, the authenticity to truly reach the women I’m meant to serve.
My pain has purpose. My mistakes have meaning. My testimony is my ministry.
I’m a 26-year-old mother of two, currently incarcerated, and I have finally found my calling—to encourage and empower women who are exactly where I used to be. Women who are angry, lost, hurting, and making the same destructive choices I made. Women who need someone to look them in the eye and say, “I see you. I’ve been you. And there’s hope on the other side of this.”
God works in mysterious ways, empress. Sometimes He places us in prisons—literal or metaphorical—not as punishment, but as preparation. Not to break us, but to remake us. Not to end our story, but to give us a testimony worth sharing.
This is my story. This is my purpose. This is my Phoenix Rising moment.
And if God can do this for me, behind these walls, with a DOC number attached to my name, just imagine what He can do for you.
Stay blessed, stay strong, and remember: It’s never too late for your own rising.
— Phoenix Rising