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    Your Challenge: To the Questions We Avoid. The  Transparency Challenge

    Okay, so here’s where YOU come in. I’m not just going to drop all this wisdom  on you and then let you go about your day like nothing happened. Nope. We’re  doing something with this. 

    I’m issuing a challenge to every parent reading this—and I’m calling it The  Transparency Challenge. 

    Here’s what I want you to do: 

    Step 1:

    Think about that ONE difficult question your child has been asking  that you’ve been avoiding. You know the one. The one that makes your  stomach drop every time it comes up. The one you’ve been deflecting, changing  the subject on, or straight-up lying about. 

    Step 2:

    Find a quiet moment with your child. No distractions. No TV. No  phones. Just you and them. 

    Step 3:

    Have the conversation. Be honest. Be age-appropriate. But BE REAL.  Take accountability for your part. Don’t make excuses. Answer their questions. 

    Step 4:

    After you’ve had the conversation, take some time to reflect on it.  Journal about it if that’s your thing. Think about it. 

    Step 5:

    Come back and answer these questions (write them down, share them  in the comments, tell a friend—process them somehow): 

    • How did it make you FEEL to be transparent with your child about this  challenging topic, finally? 

    • What was their reaction? Did it surprise you? 

    • What did you learn about yourself during this conversation? • What did you learn about your child? 

    • How do you feel your relationship has changed (or will change) because  of this honesty? 

    • What are you still scared about, even after having the conversation? • What advice would you give to other parents who are avoiding similar  conversations? 

    I’m not going to lie to you—this challenge is scary. It’s uncomfortable. It’s going  to bring up feelings you’ve been pushing down. But that’s precisely why we  need to do it.

    Our kids are watching us. They’re learning from us. And if we want them to  grow up to be honest, accountable, emotionally intelligent humans, we have to  model that for them even when it’s hard, ESPECIALLY when it’s hard. 

    Final Thoughts From Your Girl Phoenix 

    Look, I’m not going to sit here and act like I have all the answers. I’m 26 years  old, incarcerated, and trying to parent two kids from behind bars. I’m literally  figuring this out as I go, making mistakes, crying in corners, and praying I’m  not messing them up too badly. 

    But you know what? I’m doing the work. I’m having the hard conversations. I’m  being real with my daughter about where I am and why I’m here. I’m taking  accountability. I’m showing her that even when we mess up—even when we  mess up BIG—we can still be honest, still be loving, and still show up in the  ways we can. 

    That’s all any of us can do, really. Show up. Be honest. Take accountability.  Love hard. 

    So to all my empresses out there who are struggling with these difficult  conversations: I see you. I feel you. I AM you. And I’m telling you right now— you can do this. Your kids need you to do this. And you’re stronger than you  think. 

    Now have that conversation. Take that Transparency Challenge. And then come  back and tell me how it went, because I really want to know. 

    Remember: We’re not perfect parents. We’re not always present parents. But  we can be HONEST parents. And sometimes, that’s precisely what our kids  need most. 

    Keep rising, empresses. Even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard. With love and accountability, 

    Phoenix Rising 

    P.S. If you take the Transparency Challenge, use the hashtag  #TransparencyChallenge and share your experience. Let’s normalize being real  with our kids. Let’s normalize accountability. Let’s normalize hard  conversations that lead to healing.

    P.P.S. And if my son’s daycare teacher is reading this… We’ll talk when he’s  older, okay? For now, I’m still “at work.” Thanks for understanding. �� 

    The Transparency Challenge Worksheet 

    Print this out or save it to help you prepare for and process your  conversation: 

    Before the Conversation: 

    • What question have I been avoiding? 

    • Why have I been avoiding it? 

    • What am I afraid will happen if I’m honest? 

    • What is age-appropriate to share with my child? 

    After the Conversation: 

    • How did being transparent make me feel? 

    • What was my child’s reaction? 

    • What surprised me about their response? 

    • What did I learn about myself? 

    • What did I learn about my child? 

    • How has this changed our relationship? 

    • What am I still scared of? 

    • What advice would I give to other parents? 

    Moving Forward: 

    • What other conversations do I need to have? 

    • How can I keep this door of communication open? • What support do I need to maintain transparency?